Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote about what it feels like to experience peace in our relationships. We sit down each week and talk about how we are, or how our week has been and how we navigated it, and out of that comes a post. We look for a particular angle or a new way to express how we are, but in the end, it’s just us talking about what it is to experience peace.
Why Peaceful Relationships Start With This One Radical Choice “This describes a state of us being together without the need for defenses. The more Phil and I discussed this way of being together, the clearer we became that this is a core behavior of a peaceful relationship. Peaceful relationships are by their nature non-combative and are safe spaces where you know that you will not be attacked, sniped at, or any variant thereof. At first, I was going to say this is because we know for certain that we are always on the same side. This is most certainly true, and yet that does not fully describe this way of being. This is a state where a choice has been made both individually and for the relationship. It is a choice that goes to the very center of each of the individuals: a choice for living in peace. It is not a compromise of swallowing feelings and thoughts. It is not a mental activity alone. It is an alignment with a quiet inner connection to who you are, coupled with the ability to share that with another. This is a way of being in peace that you have found within yourself, and from that place, you are able to recognize the same place in the other person. Once you have found it within yourself, bring it into how you are in that relationship. When you do this consistently, it allows it to come forth in the other person as well.”
How to Recognize and Bring Peace Into Your Relationships “Phil and I recently attended a celebration of life that left a deep impression on me. The woman being celebrated had the ability to be of good cheer consistently, and taught and uplifted many from this place of profound joy. As I listened to the stories of how she impacted so many on her life’s path, I heard over and over how passionate she was in her life. She pursued her loves with great intensity, with the tenacity and discipline that arose from it. And I thought of peace and how peace is a state of being that is filled with passion. Often, people do not recognize the actuality of peace, even when they have it. And far too many do not have it at all in their lives. In their mind, peace exists as a conception of something. People imagine that peace is devoid of feeling; that it is a place of emptiness. They think of peace as an absence of a variety of things, not a state unto itself. Yet, peace is very real and becomes known through direct experience, combined with awareness.”
Connection is the Heart of Peace-filled Relationships “Phil and I recently visited with a dear friend at her home for a scrumptious dinner. The dinner wasn’t the only thing that was delectable that evening. We had a powerful experience of our connection. Through the many hours of the evening, we talked, ate together, and communed both verbally and in silence with each other.” We felt relaxed, heard, seen and appreciated. We were interested and enlightened by the conversations, thoughts and ideas as they poured forth. We sat together in silence, communicating and sharing the essence of peace that grew in the room around us. And that is one of the profound impressions that I had afterward. We, as in all three of us, were deeply connected, in one unit. It wasn’t only that she and Phil, or Phil and me, or she and I were each connected. No, this was quite different. The three of us were in one relationship with each other. It felt very special and rich because of this difference. There was a circle of warmth that engulfed us all. As we moved many leagues deeper in our connectedness, a joy and a lightness of being permeated that room. It didn’t matter really what the topic was, whether the state of the world or the dressing on the salad, it was the quality of relating that held so much value.”