Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote about how to transform your relationship by reaching total acceptance. Here is a variety of posts that we have written on different aspects of acceptance.
How It’s Possible to Practice Acceptance in Your Relationships “It was clear that we all wanted nothing but the best for each other. No one was holding on to having any given situation be a certain way, while at the same time, there were specific needs and desires that one or the other of us had, that needed to be honored. This acceptance was total from the beginning, but it also grew in its expression as the days went by. It was gratifying to live through the path of total acceptance with others, as it is an important part of creating peaceful relationships. Having this experience that Phil and I live with, in the context of four people doing it together, was delicious and confirming. This way of being, like many others, gets easier and smoother with practice. It brings with it an intense sense of relaxation and ease. The more you are unquestioningly accepted for who and how you are, the more freedom you have to be yourself. This exhibits itself most distinctly with those with whom you share living space, but it applies to all relationships, particularly the deep and intimate ones. It is best when a feeling of safety as well as ease is created through the way you relate.”
How Your Acceptance Needs to Go Beyond the Words “Hand in hand with this practice comes the way of acceptance, non-judgment and the joyful appreciation of what others have to say and how they express it. I have been moving closer to this attitude of embracing others as my first response, rather than the initial threat assessment response that we all have to a greater or lesser degree. The more my heart is filled with love and the less that fear resides there, even in a subconscious form, the easier this becomes. When I can interact with an open listening mind, I most often find charming and delightful variations on the same theme; a desire for goodness, a wish to be accepted and acknowledged, wanting to be liked, and a drive to find purpose, be of service and to contribute to others. Although dressed up in many different outfits, I find the same yearnings over and over.”
Embracing Acceptance: How to Let Go of Annoyances in Relationships “The path toward picking a meaningful response is to be thoughtful rather than reactive. In another post on this issue, we suggested stopping and asking yourself, “What is important here?”. When I find myself ready to react with a snarky tone of voice or a provocative retort, I like to think about what is of meaning and value to me. Just venting doesn’t do anything for me, it usually makes me feel worse. And as Phil suggested, I’ll only have to go back and fix it later. This is a good opportunity for me to reflect upon what the value is for me in the exchange, and what is going on inside me that leads me to react so differently. So many challenging conversations can be turned into loving interactions by going for the value rather than the flash reaction. That kind of response usually serves no purpose other than to disturb the peace. I’m not talking about “keeping the peace at all costs”, but rather being peaceful within, as well as in my interactions. This is a habit pattern that I have practiced which I find very helpful. I do not mean to suggest I have mastered this chosen behavior, but I am not attracted to the feelings of the reactive pattern, and I do feel really good when I come from what is of true meaning and value to me. When we realize we have a choice in how we are, it is extremely empowering.”