PHIL: So after several weeks of coughing and night sweats in the spare bedroom, we’re finally sleeping together all night again. It feels like a major step back to normality. But in another way, nothing has changed. There is no reconnection because there was never any disconnection. As Maude put it, there was no disturbance in the field.
This is because of our complete commitment to each other. Because of that, we can explore our different needs and desires and come to agreement without struggle and conflict. It gives each of us total trust in the other, and with that, we can let go of any need to control the other.
My life has been a list of relationships with lack of commitment as a theme. I had standards of beauty and intelligence that could not be met. And yet I was committed in my first marriage, which fell to pieces for other reasons instead. And in some other relationships, I now wonder if my lack of commitment wasn’t partly a reflection of the same lack from my partner.
I think commitment when young is difficult; you don’t know what is available. It’s like going to a restaurant with a menu of unfamiliar dishes when your only experience is home cooking. But at some point, it makes sense to make a choice (and math tells you when that point is!)
I always thought of commitment as a loss of freedom, but the experience is paradoxically the opposite. By removing all those “what if” questions, an infinite plane of blinding whiteness is revealed.
Another aspect of commitment is the sense of us – the couple – coexistent with the sense of me, the individual. (The whole discussion of identity is a topic unto itself.)
So we think that anyone in a solid relationship, and certainly those in a marriage, has, or has had, commitment at its base. Find it, jump up and down on it, check its solidity, then use it to open your world.
In your relationship, there is no need to reconnect when you never disconnect #relationships #quote Click To TweetMAUDE: As life slowly comes back to normal, and Phil gets better every day, we have been reflecting on this journey and what we have observed and learned from the experience.
First and foremost is that we both see that there is no disturbance in the field of our relationship.
What do we mean by that?
We never lost any aspect of our connection, even when I was dealing with the feeling of abandonment (As I blogged, I worked with that by realizing it was about me and taking advantage of that opportunity to learn about myself and work on some of my issues.)
We never questioned our relationship or each other’s commitment to it. That sense of total trust and acceptance that is such an integral part of our partnership always remains solid and fully present, even when it is just an undercurrent to life’s happenings. Everything else that occurs is something to sort out and handle, like when the car breaks down or the water main bursts or we disagree on how to handle something like illness.
We experience a unified field that arises out of our commitment to the relationship and the knowledge that we are always on the same side in what is of true meaning and value. We know that we both always want the best for each other. This is helpful to know as it carries us through any of our individual kinks that arise, and we know to turn inward and work with ourselves rather than blame our mate. When in doubt, use the process to find mutual solutions.
This is the key to a peaceful relationship that can weather any storm without it shaking the relationship itself. This type of assurance is available when a true commitment exists. When you are partners and not blaming each other for things, the problems that arise will be lessons in the making. You will know to turn inward and find out what is happening with you that has created the sense of disharmony.
We sincerely hope that all of you will find your way to peaceful committed relationships. We hope that you will find good uses for the methods we share and that you will go about spreading peace, one relationship at a time!