How to Avoid Loss of Intimacy
Intimacy. That all important element that is the life blood of all successful relationships. We all start out relationships experiencing the intimacy of coming together, of getting to know each other and of making those special connections that lead to commitment and love.
And yet, the busyness of life often takes over so much that couples all too quickly sacrifice the time required to feed and develop that very intimacy. We cannot emphasize enough how important it is to find ways to protect and maintain spending quality time with each other in which both partners are completely present with their total being.
Making time for this on a regular basis may seem impossible for many people, given busy schedules and filled lives, but saying that you don’t have time for something is another way of saying that it has a low priority in your life. Make a mutual effort to change that.
But not any old time. Managing the details of life doesn’t count. Arranging who picks up the kids, how to get the car fixed and when to pay the bills is a necessary part of life and, when tackled as a joint project rather than a clash of wills can be a unifying experience, but it’s all about managing the future, not being in the present.
Time spent together being entertained probably doesn’t count either. Watching TV, going to a concert or meeting with friends can be relaxing or reviving and adds to the store of shared experiences that bond a couple, but it’s not paying attention to your partner, it’s paying attention elsewhere.
No, we’re talking about times when you are fully present with your partner, either offering up yourself, your reality, your feelings, or being fully focused on your partner.
Whether it be through regular deep sexual connectedness or sharing and talking and listening to each other, couples must find a way to build this into their lives. The more this type of connection time occurs, the stronger the relationship will be. This will make it easier to handle times of separation due to obligations of work, family, or other occurrences. If your private personal time together has become part of the fabric of your everyday lives, you will not feel a sense of separation when, due to these external circumstances, you do have to let it go for a while.`
This time of togetherness needs to be protected as sacred for the health of your relationship, and should never be sacrificed lightly or for any prolonged period of time. Make it fun and make it special. You do not have to go out or go on a date. These times can be filled with the very ordinary, except for the fact that you are fully present enjoying each other, becoming a merged being as well as an individual.
When you strengthen your relationship in this way, you will find a great sense of peace and contentment that will carry you through your day and often through very difficult things in your life. Make your togetherness a place that refreshes and strengthens you, and most importantly, fills you with joy!
Dear Phil and Maude,
I just love your weekly newsletter and blog. It is to the point and oh so true, Thanks for the great reminders!
Love, love, love this advice!