Squabbles in a relationship are like stones in your shoes; they don’t have to be there. They often come from not fully accepting your partner. Learning about acceptance within a relationship is a way to avoid hobbling along, always being irritated by that stone. People often reject the term “acceptance” because they take it to mean “having to put up with.” We have a different approach, and see the acceptability of actions as lying on a spectrum. How Two: Have a Successful Relationship
We talked last week about how important it is that you and your partner hold the same core values because if not, you’re going to clash over them again and again. But people clash over all sorts of things, from big to small. These might be activities that involve both of you. Whose turn is it to walk the dog? Where should we buy a house?
Or there might be something about your partner’s behavior that bugs you. Do they leave the lights on? Does their wardrobe date from the disco era?
Some things will bug you more than others, and we like to think of them as lying on a spectrum. At one end are your core values, the deal breakers we’ve talked about. At the other end are those niggly little things that can get to you.
One of the most important things we practice is full acceptance – that your partner is who they are, and by meticulously respecting that, you offer them a space to be completely themselves. It’s a wonderful gift. So when something niggles at you, that’s an opportunity to look inside, find what causes it, let it go and just slip into the flow of life together.
Of course, this doesn’t work for everything. When you can’t let go of something but it’s not a deal-breaker, it lies toward the middle of the spectrum of acceptance.
In the middle of the spectrum are things of importance that have potential resolutions, like whose parents to visit for Christmas, what color to paint the living room or how to deal with the neighbors. Again, these issues vary, and what is a core value for some may be in the middle for others. The more you know what is of real meaning and value to you, the easier it will be to enter into a loving relationship with another. How Two: Have a Successful Relationship
Here’s where some real magic can occur. You can resolve these issues to the complete satisfaction of both of you without coming into conflict. Next week, we’ll tell you about our process that will allow this to happen.