All too often, people enter a relationship to fill a void, a sense of lack that people have about their lives or how they feel about themselves. It may seem at the beginning of such a relationship that their needs are getting fulfilled, but the sad thing is that one can never fill that sense of lack by getting it from someone else. The initial satisfaction will invariably pass, leaving emptiness in its wake, and their partner will become increasingly distraught at not being able to help.
We have often talked about the importance of getting to know yourself and continuing to grow that self knowledge. We can only develop a sense of self-worth and acceptance of ourselves by the work we do on and with ourselves. This means more than having an accurate assessment of your strengths and weaknesses; it means sitting at that point in yourself that is indisputable. It is beyond looks or intelligence or competence; it is not affected by the approval of others. It is the basis of feeling complete and thereby not needy. That work will pay dividends in its effect on your relationship, and when each partner supports the other in this type of self-work and self improvement, the relationship is usually highly successful. Acceptance of your full self, your progressing self and acceptance of your partner in the same way, when coupled with dedication to grow and find and fulfill your unique potential, produces healthier individuals and concomitantly, healthier relationships.
You can’t fill a sense of lack in yourself by getting it from someone else #relationships #quote Click To TweetA wonderful aspect of our relationship is that we both feel added to by the other; each of us is complete in ourselves, but also feel we are more because we are together. This is in contrast to having a feeling of need, of incompleteness, that the other is able to assuage. Neediness is a constant wanting of reassurance from other(s) about some characteristic of yourself that you feel is missing or deficient – looks, intelligence, competence, talent, skill. It’s not that we’re perfect in those areas, but some people go way beyond that: they need a constant supply of reassurance, love, affection, attention or money. They are a mystical sink-hole; fill it up at night, and there’s a 12 foot hole again by morning.
In our relationship, we experience a sublime form of acceptance of each other. This does not mean that we accept our faults and weaknesses as an end stage of our development. We accept that each of us is dedicated to growing, and we support each other to accomplish that goal. While being supportive and loving, we do not tell each other what to do, nor do we strive to take over the doing of it for each other.
Whether you are just beginning a relationship, or have been in one for a longer time, it is healthy and very productive to look at this element of yourselves and your relationship. Do your actions support each other as separate individuals, or are you trying to fill some sense of lack you have concerning yourself? Share with each other about these issues. Take an honest look at your interactions together. We promise you that a new sense of intimacy and support will open up to both of you through this type of mutual examination.
Relationships, just like individuals re-form themselves all the time. Keep checking in with each other on how you want to be together. Full acceptance of each other, while mutually supporting your individual growth, will create an ever growing healthy relationship. This kind of relationship will help spread peace, one relationship at a time!