How Hanging Out Enhances and Strengthens Your Relationships

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Maude, with a little assist from Phil, wrote today’s post.

Phil and I have, since the very early days of our relationship, set aside a time every evening to be alone with each other. We do many different activities during this time: crossword puzzles, talking, reading aloud to each other, watching movies and series and all manner of other things we come up with. It’s a retreat from the world that we have come to call our sacred space. However stressful life, work and politics have been, we are able to put those aside.

But the activities are not the main thing going on. That is not the purpose.

It is about giving our full attention to each other and the connection between us. It doesn’t really matter what we are involved in, as what we are really doing is reveling in being with each other, in sharing who we are and taking pleasure in the deep sense of connection we have. The feelings that arise from this experience are calming, nurturing and give us sustenance for our daily living.

If work is the things that we all have to do (whether we enjoy that or not), play is the opposite: where we let go of our obligations, act on our desires, and cavort with the world. Play has been proven to be an important factor in well-being: by relieving stress, supercharging learning and strengthening our connections to each other and the world. Playing together is a powerful tool for creating peaceful relationships.

Our evening times together are a form of play that is best described as “hanging out time.” It applies to all kinds of relationships. I find this is an art that got lost a bit during the early times of Covid and has been re-emerging for a few years through renewing in-person visiting, as well as other forms like long phone visits, Face-timing, and online hangouts.

I have other relationships where we have found ways to share hangout times. I delight in my time with a few long-distance friends, where we have perfected hanging out on the phone and catching up and sharing our lives, crying, laughing and being with one another.

I read a book aloud with my thirteen-year-old grandson on Facetime regularly. It’s a period when there is no one there but the two of us, and we enjoy the book, but also catch up on his life and concerns. One of my friends tells me she gets close to her grandson while driving him from one place to another when just the two of them are in the car, hanging out.

To experience this kind of relating, you have to be centered in the exchange and relax into a very conscious level of paying attention. You are not trying to accomplish anything other than being together. It calls for a gentle form of awareness of each other and your connection. The best part is it brings about a sense of well-being that produces peaceful relationships.

Photo credit: Maude Mayes
Photo note: People hanging out in the park

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