How We Create Peace in Our Relationship by Intending To Do So

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PHIL: The phrase “belief and intention” is a good description of how we relate. We believe a harmonious relationship is possible, and intend to have one.

Our belief comes from various sources. Primarily, we have the experience of a harmonious relationship, and so we know that it exists. You may object that this only applies to us, but everybody has some peaceful and wonderful times together, so of course they exist at least part of the time.

Another source of our belief is the fact that people live in communities because they need each other to survive, both physically and emotionally. Relationships, from business to personal, are how we get those needs fulfilled. This is a cerebral argument, but it’s a useful idea that at base, you and your partner need the same things.

Believing in a peaceful relationship is a challenge because of the prevailing common view that conflict is inevitable and even healthy. This idea is so easily accepted because we live in a capitalist society that reveres competition and free markets. You might say that couples also fight over limited resources, but a relationship is more about emotional needs which are not limited in the same way; when differences in a relationship arise, they are better handled with a mindset of community than competition.

Even when you come to believe a harmonious relationship is possible, you still have to have one. A lot of people are addicted to drama; their whole life has been full of turmoil, and they are so used to it that it feels familiar and inevitable. If you choose to live in that way, that is a form of intention.

But you don’t have to make that choice, and if your partner or another person picks a fight, you don’t have to get swept up in it. That’s one side of intention, not being dragged in, and the other side, of course, is not starting fights yourself. Both of these need the self awareness we’ve written about recently. It means not needing to be right. It means avoiding power and dominance. It means using empathy to understand the other person.

None of this means giving up on what you want. It does mean looking at your position and why you are holding it and maybe reassessing. It’s an opportunity to know yourself better, find your deeper needs, and hold on to them. You must remain true to yourself. And of course, by finding more of yourself and sharing that with another person, you strengthen the connection between the two of you.

By believing in the possibility of a good relationship, and intending to have one, you create the mindset where it is possible.

Affirmation: a harmonious relationship is possible, and I intend to have one #peace #quote Share on XMAUDE: Much of what underpins our peaceful harmonious way of being together can be practiced by anyone who wants to make this a primary aspect of their relationships. We have recognized that it is our intention, and our profound belief in the reality of living that intention, that brings it forth.

Here is a description of our experience and we share it with the hope that if you too wish to live in harmony in your relationships, there will be things you can use here to do so.

We are quite clear on what our intention for our partnership is. We both want and intend to live in peace. We don’t mean the old way of looking at peace, as in not dealing with things or looking away in order to maintain a lack of friction. Quite the contrary; peace is an action. It describes doing and being, not an avoidance of either. This is probably why we are such supporters of the I Declare World Peace project. It is both a declaration and an action, and as such carries the ability to create profound change.

Equipped with this mutual understanding, we have found many ways of being and doing, and not doing, that manifest this reality in our life together.

We always approach each other with good will. We know through experience that we are not in conflict on any issues of meaning and value. Through a process of listening and working toward finding positions and solutions that contain both of our true wants and needs, we grow closer through differences rather than apart.

We are always honest and speak our truth to each other. There is no need to defend or withhold, as we know there is no attack waiting in the wings. We approach each other with love and kindness, eager to hear how the other feels and learn what they want or need. We search for the resonance within and concentrate on that, as well as hearing where there appear to be differences.

There are also a number of things we don’t do. We never bring power and dominance into our relating. Never. Neither of us insists on being right or pushing through our way of doing something. We avoid poking at each other (which almost always elicits a poke back), or reacting with hurried, snippy, annoyed comments or tone of voice. This type of behavior does not feel good inside and only serves to disturb our own inner peace.

We are strongly aware of our intention toward living peace as the way we chose to relate to each other. In order to bring forth this intention it is most important to be present and to fill this presence with laughter and playfulness. We hope that you too will be able to become a center of dynamic peace within your relationships. Shared joy and the joy of sharing pervade relationships that manifest living peace.

Photo credit: Phil Mayes
Photo note: Peace truck that travels the States

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