It is possible to live and love within a relationship without having conflict. We are merely taught that conflict is inevitable, and we have come to believe it. We expect it. Many people thrive off it, thinking that it shows there is deep caring, and emotion. This is not so. Phil and I have learned through 81/2 years of intense loving and living together; of marriage and shared crisis, health issues, family and finances, that it is possible to live together and love in a manner filled with joy, mutual respect, juicy passion and abiding peace. To do this one must practice a different kind of being together; one filled with consciousness. We have described this in detail in our book, “Secrets of a Successful Relationship” , and in our many articles.
Acceptance is one of the key characteristics. One must have a deep abiding respect for the other as a separate individual, and at the same time feel enriched by the differences.
The more we accept and honor the separateness of our partner as a distinct individual, the more we can actually experience the union that comes of this kind of acceptance. To truly do this, we must gain a good understanding of ourselves. If you feel secure in your own identity, you will be less likely to want to change or alter the other’s. Once your core values are aligned, anything else should be the purvey of the individual, and should not lap over into the area you think you should control or actually in any way be busy with. Except of course to rejoice at the very different way that this person is expressing your shared core values! Two individuals dancing as one!