How to Reconcile Individuality and Union in Your Relationships

To be in a relationship is to exist in a state somewhere between individuality and union; this is so for all relationships, not just personal ones. We are both the relationship and the individual. Ideally, we move smoothly between these states without any struggle; there is no resistance, no attachment. Each has its pleasures and its pains. To be an individual is to have autonomy and power, yet loneliness can be its price. In relationships, we both give and receive love and acceptance, but risk drowning ourselves in the connection. Our loneliness is quenched, but our individuality can get lost.

We have needs for both a sense of self and the sense of connection. The two are contradictory; it is like wanting to live in the heart of the city and also deep in the country. In real life, it is expensive to afford two mortgages. In our head, there is a comparable price: can we be alone without being lonely, and can we be together without the fear of losing our individuality?

A relationship moves between individuality & union. Be comfortable with both #quote #relationships Click To TweetIdeally, we can move fluidly between the two states. We need both to fulfill our needs. Be conscious of both, and open yourself up to each state fully. When you are with someone, whether your partner, a friend or a stranger, be with them fully. Give them your entire attention. Maybe they won’t join you, maybe they will, but your calmness and presence will enter and lighten their day.

We all want to be seen, appreciated and acknowledged. Sometimes just making eye contact with someone, smiling, letting them know somebody knows they are present is all it might take to renew that person’s spirits. Sharing ourselves and opening our hearts to that kind of union with others helps us grow and stretch.

In an intimate relationship, it is easy to take the connection for granted and to let it languish. Make sure to carve time out of your day to just connect, sit, share what is going on, feel how your partner is, and bring both of you back into the moment. And make sure that there are new experiences of fun and pleasure together to feed the connection and keep it alive.

We must all find our balance between staying in connection and awareness with ourselves, and relating to others and their inner selves. Practice flowing between the two, and we will all be the richer for it.

One of the areas that can trip people up is understanding that there really are two separate personalities involved in a relationship. This sounds obvious, but in practice the mind does not always acknowledge this fact. As you grow more intimate with someone, there is a blurring of the line between “you” and “them.” You feel the mutual self and sometimes forget there really are two selves, as well as the new self – the couple in union. This type of feeling can quickly lead one down a path of criticism. It creates the desire to alter how or what the other person does, and to try to adjust them to be more correctly representative of one’s self. How Two: Have a Successful Relationship

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2 comments on “How to Reconcile Individuality and Union in Your Relationships
  1. Paula says:

    I absolutely agree. But mainly what keeps a relationship alive is maintaining your interests and small spaces that are only for your individuality. Not every second in the life of a couple should be spent together, or you will lose your personality and those interests that keep you alive and happy. I think that balance is the keyword.

    • Maude says:

      Hi Paula,
      I agree that balance is the key to flowing between the two states of union and individuality. It is critical to remain who you are – that is what you bring to all relationships.
      thank you
      Maude

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