In Your Relationships, Worry is not Love

Yesterday was a day full of insight and contradiction. I got a text from a friend who had apparently reached out to me a number of times without getting a response. She said, “I haven’t heard back and I’m worried.”

I get it. She felt there might be something wrong. Actually, I was at a Hanukkah celebration and then at a healing circle for a dear one. My friend’s text brought up an experience of old that had a profound influence on me.

Several decades ago, I had just gone through a really bad divorce, leaving me with a huge debt, big monthly bills, two children to care for, and all this at the beginning of a serious recession. I was working my way through it (one step at a time), when one day I got a call from a dear old friend.

She said in a tone of deep concern, “We are ALL really worried about you!

Wow! I had such a visceral reaction to this that I can remember the sensations to this day. It really brought me down. “Oh no,” I thought, “everyone is worrying about me. They don’t think I can handle this.”

It is not what happens to you, but how you handle what happens to you that counts #quote Click To TweetThat comment, as well-meaning as it was, did nothing for me. It didn’t offer me anything but more difficulty or uncertainty to deal with. Unlike another girlfriend, who quietly put $10 of gas in my car when we stopped at a gas station, this friend was actually unwittingly passing on doubts and fears.

Doubts and fears don’t help. Ever!

Love is what I needed. Love and the belief and certainty that I would be able to deal with what was happening to me. And, of course, practical support where possible; someone to listen to me without making comments; someone to help me hear myself and figure out what the next steps needed to be; someone who was convinced that it is not what happens to you, but how you handle what happens to you that counts.

Yesterday at the healing circle, I experienced just that. A beloved sister had a stroke and a brain tumor was found to be the cause. A circle of friends gathered to celebrate this beautiful warrior woman (and she was there too) on a Zoom call. We spoke of the kind of love and support we can offer each other to help illuminate our ways. We shared wonderful stories about our inspiring and courageous friend and reveled in the love we could all share with each other. There was sustenance for all in those loving exchanges and a true understanding of what is real and what is important.

So in our relationships, let’s offer practical support and thoughts that will energize and uplift. In these strange and uncertain times, that is what we all need from each other.

The sentence should go “I’m not worried about you, because I know you’ll be fine!”

Tagged with: ,
6 comments on “In Your Relationships, Worry is not Love
  1. Lynelle Paulick says:

    Very nice. xoxo

  2. Maude says:

    Michelle posted on Facebook:
    Michelle Klimesh A friend once said to me, “I know you’re going to figure this out.” It was the absolute best thing I could have heard at the time, as I struggled to understand the solution to my problem, and couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Her faith in me was more sustaining than every bit of specific advice offered by others. (Thanks, Susan C. Cook!)

  3. I love this feed. We want our friends to support us as we do the emotional and spiritual work. Not try to fix us or even to overcare as you said Maude. I love it when my friends have faith that I can lift myself back up.
    Sharon Porter

  4. I particularly love what you wrote: “someone to listen to me without making comments; someone to help me hear myself and figure out what the next steps needed to be; someone who was convinced that it is not what happens to you, but how you handle what happens to you that counts.” ….This kind of specific explanation of what you needed is so helpful. Your unique personal experience helps me know what you need and thereby what people in general need. I wish we could all share with so much clarity what we actually need. I want that from others even though I find it hard to do myself. So I really appreciate your example in this blog!

    • Maude says:

      We are so pleased that sharing our experiences helps you handle yours! We will all do better when we learn to share what we are working on, and how we have learned to progress. Together we can spread peace, one relationship at a time 🙂 and, of course, by always working on our relationship with ourselves in spirit.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*