Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote about why differences don’t need to create problems in your relationships. Here are some of our many articles on differences and how to embrace them in your relationships. Use the search bar to find more.
How To Deal With Differences In Your Relationships “Because we are all unique, we have different skills, strengths, capabilities, and interests. It can be hard to see the strengths of other people clearly. It’s easy to see where they fall short: they forget to pay bills on time, don’t tidy up, or anything that, for you, is the obvious, efficient way to do things. But maybe you are overlooking their skills or giving them little credit. How do you value the ability to soothe a grazed knee against balancing a checkbook? Different contributions are not easily tallied up like Olympic scoring. Coming to terms with the fact that people are different from you can be a challenge. It might be your partner; it might be anyone. It’s fine when you agree, but when you don’t, how can anybody be so stupid? Obviously, your way is right: you know the correct route, can stack the dishwasher properly, know how to fix the homeless problem, and know the best way to handle a tantrum in a supermarket. You’re right and everybody else is…less right. Everyone acts in the world differently. Maybe there’s more than one approach to doing something, but you never saw it before, or maybe they just like doing it that way. When you can relax into that and appreciate and enjoy those differences, you expand your view of what is possible and how to be in the world, and you can see that the two of you are more effective together than either one of you alone.”
How to Embrace Differences, Not Trip Over Them “One of the biggest things to find a way to embrace within yourself is the fact that we are all unique; we are each one of a kind. Although we all share many similarities, we are all different. Many who write on the topic of relationships feel that this difference means that conflict is inevitable. From our own personal experience, we strongly disagree with this viewpoint. To change this propensity, it is necessary to learn to respond to the kind of differences our uniqueness creates in a way other than fear, conflict, feeling threatened, distancing, anger, or protectiveness. Start with relationships that are, or that you want to be, deep and close: friendships, partners, relatives. It is easier to accept these differences in those we feel close to. As you develop the experiences with them, you can move out toward those with whom you have less and less similarity.”
A New Way to Look at Differences in Relationships “we’re all unique, so everyone is truly different. We’ve written about accepting differences and even celebrating them. But there’s another quality of interacting peacefully with others. That quality is a deep interest in and fascination with getting to know the other person. In other words, it’s not just accepting, it’s not even just celebrating; it’s the joy in learning and growing in the understanding of the other that is the key. And that surprise and pleasure is never-ending. it’s not like you get to know them and you end up knowing all about them to a degree that they become predictable. The otherness (which does not preclude the many agreements and similarities) will always be there to fascinate.”