Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we said that you should replace “You’re wrong” with “I love you” and see what happens. It is about not judging people, but instead, accepting them. Here are some other posts on the importance of acknowledging how other people are.
How Acceptance is the Best Path to a Peaceful Relationship “As with most things that are important to practice in relationships, a true understanding of the importance and meaning of acceptance originates with inner examination. When you come to accept and work with your own imperfections, it leads you to have a greater understanding of those of others. At the same time, an honest, non-judgmental view of yourself, your uniqueness and the special potentials that you possess, help you to embrace others in the same manner. All peaceful relationships are based on a deep respect for and honoring of differences and methods of expression. This is a kind of peace you can apply in a general way to all brothers and sisters; to all of us who make up the human species. For many, it can be extended to all living things.”
How to Greet the Differences in Your Relationships as Blessings “I am feeling so blessed today marveling at the relationships I have where we share the same meanings and values while each of us is so unique. Our uniqueness leads us to find entirely different ways to express and activate those very core values.”
Embracing Acceptance: How to Let Go of Annoyances in Relationships “Differences can be a great enrichment to our lives. When you have deep relationships where love, trust and truth create a safe, nonthreatening and nonjudgmental environment, then both parties can feel free to show who they are in their full array of feelings, thoughts and intentions. It can be so inspiring to see your very same values manifested in ways you would never think of and that add so much to your world. It is like when someone has cataract surgery and all of a sudden they can see full color without the filmy sepia that is present before the surgery. We know our own way of living and spreading our values and meanings, and when others can fully share themselves and their way of living those same values freely, without any attempt on our part to alter or change them, we suddenly gain a rainbow of color that we cannot manifest on our own.” So let’s assume that you wish to have peaceful relationships, where your exchanges support and stimulate each other. You may not achieve this all the time, but that is your basic intent. Then, it is worthwhile to examine and realize that you have a choice. The path toward picking a meaningful response is to be thoughtful rather than reactive. In another post on this issue, we suggested stopping and asking yourself, “What is important here?”. When I find myself ready to react with a snarky tone of voice or a provocative retort, I like to think about what is of meaning and value to me. Just venting doesn’t do anything for me, it usually makes me feel worse. And as Phil suggested, I’ll only have to go back and fix it later. This is a good opportunity for me to reflect upon what the value is for me in the exchange, and what is going on inside me that leads me to react so differently. So many challenging conversations can be turned into loving interactions by going for the value rather than the flash reaction. That kind of response usually serves no purpose other than to disturb the peace. I’m not talking about “keeping the peace at all costs”, but rather being peaceful within, as well as in my interactions.”