Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote about finding joy and peace through appreciation and acknowledgment. This is a favorite topic of ours; here are a few of the other posts we’ve written on it.
How Appreciation and Acknowledgment Open a Path to Peaceful Relationships “On the path toward peaceful relationships, there are two areas we want to explore today: appreciation and acknowledgment. Both of these can be mighty contributors toward peaceful and loving relating. To appreciate another person takes a decision to approach them with awareness. It requires being conscious of the other person, and not just being wrapped up in yourself and what you are mentally busy with. You have to be observing with attention and be interested. Appreciation involves listening and being open to finding out more about what that person is feeling and thinking. What do they value? What special insight do they have? What brings them joy? This kind of awareness is colored by the intention of generosity; generosity of spirit. You look for the best with open eyes and heart. What’s important is that you are actually looking. By being present with this kind of awareness, you gain much from the connection. You enter another world and find the treasures therein. This is the kind of experience that appreciation for another gives to the ones doing the appreciating.”
How to Strengthen Your Relationships with Appreciation and Acknowledgment “Being appreciative changes you, but it is by expressing it that you do your small part in changing society. How many people made those jeans you are wearing? Who dug the ore for those copper rivets? How did that banana get from Latin America to your plate? Everything is a miracle of cooperation. You can’t thank everyone involved, but you can thank the people with whom you interact: the sales clerk, the bus driver, the help desk. Even if they are sullen, recognize their contribution and thank them. In that way, they will feel seen, appreciated, and part of society, not just a cog in the machine. When it comes to friends and family, beware of familiarity. We are wired to pay attention to novelty and overlook the unchanging, so do not let your appreciation fade. Look for the positive, be grateful for the goodness in your life, and say so. Giving thanks reinforces the connection between us all.”
The Power of Seeing and Being Seen in Your Relationships “There’s a very distinct sensation associated with truly being seen, and this can happen in two different ways. One is when a person acknowledges you for something about yourself that you value and treasure, perhaps even something you feel within you but do not talk about. It is a moment that stops time and focuses your attention on the other person in a very new way. The knowledge that they are really looking at you and giving you their presence and attention enough to ‘get you’ forms bonds that are well-nigh unbreakable. The other part of being seen is when someone shares with you that they see you having skills or behaviors that you have not observed in yourself. And yet, perhaps, it doesn’t sound totally strange or foreign to you. You can somehow identify with it or recognize it slightly, but you don’t really see it till you get it reflected back. After rolling it around for a bit, you may even be led to look at yourself that way. Or, you may be pulled to grow toward that image of you the other person has given you. “Hmm, is that really me? I hadn’t thought of myself that way, or ever heard that from someone about myself. But, I can see that may be true.”