Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote about shifting attention from yourself to the other person. Here are some articles that highlight different aspects of doing this.
How Attentive Listening Strengthens Your Relationships “Pay attention! Listen! These seem like rather simple admonishments. And yet, so many of us find it very challenging to do so. Listening to others with an open heart and full attention seems to have become almost a lost art. I say art because it is indeed one. Many people struggle to empty their minds of all the input surrounding them daily. Screens abound, pouring forth information and challenges. In this flood of data, relationships can offer a deeply needed place for a different kind of being. Learning to listen to one another is an especially profound way of experiencing this opportunity. I recently had an encounter that reminded me of the riches to be harvested from the simple act of sitting in the stillness of listening to another person.”
How Hanging Out Enhances and Strengthens Your Relationships “It is about giving our full attention to each other and the connection between us. It doesn’t really matter what we are involved in, as what we are really doing is reveling in being with each other, in sharing who we are and taking pleasure in the deep sense of connection we have. The feelings that arise from this experience are calming, nurturing and give us sustenance for our daily living. Our evening times together are a form of play that is best described as “hanging out time.” It applies to all kinds of relationships. I find this is an art that got lost a bit during the early times of Covid and has been re-emerging for a few years through renewing in-person visiting, as well as other forms like long phone visits, Face-timing, and online hangouts. I have other relationships where we have found ways to share hangout times. I delight in my time with a few long-distance friends, where we have perfected hanging out on the phone and catching up and sharing our lives, crying, laughing and being with one another. I read a book aloud with my thirteen-year-old grandson on Facetime regularly. It’s a period when there is no one there but the two of us, and we enjoy the book, but also catch up on his life and concerns. One of my friends tells me she gets close to her grandson while driving him from one place to another when just the two of them are in the car, hanging out.”
Why It’s Important to Be Fully Present in Your Relationships “Every relationship feels entirely different when you are truly present in it. This difference can be recognized by both parties, whether consciously or unconsciously. When you have the experience of each person being present, many of the fears that people bring to relationships dissolve. The sense of having to be on your guard dissipates with mutual presence, as well as many misunderstandings, assumptions, and much of the fear of abandonment. Worries about the past as well as projections of the future do not live in this kind of shared presence. What are the qualities and behaviors of this way of being present with each other? A quality that rarely gets spoken of, and yet one that is felt keenly when it is not there, is being available; available with your whole person. This quality involves listening with interest and the intention to understand, as well as balancing that listening with sharing about yourself and your feelings. It calls for making the time to be with the relationship in this way.”