Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we talked about why being in continuous connection is vital for peaceful relationships. Here are some previous writings of ours that share other aspects of this topic.
Why Constancy of Connection is Important in Your Relationships “But Maude said that even though I am sometimes unavailable, she never has a sense of disconnection. She said, “It’s you doing you. That doesn’t happen to be available to me, but it doesn’t feel like it’s about me either. That’s why that doesn’t feel there’s a disconnect, because that’s not what’s going on; whatever is happening, your unavailability doesn’t mean you’ve removed yourself. You’re just doing what you’re doing. There is no withdrawal involved; you’re just not available.” In order to have a feeling of peace and safety within a relationship, it is necessary that the connection remain unwavering regardless of what is externally happening. This does not, however, require continually being in each other’s presence or being in constant contact.”
What’s That Special Connection in Peaceful Relationships About? “Within this connection of trust and honesty, of support and caring, lies a driving desire for openness to know and be known. There, in the place of this third entity we know as us, dwells a solid, peaceful place of complete assurance and presence which never falters or changes. It expands, it deepens, it bolsters each of us. It is recognizable, and as we both point to it in precisely the same place, it is a reality. One that we share. There is a phrase called Anam Cara that describes this quite well: “Anam Cara is an Irish Gaelic term that translates to “soul friend”. It describes a deep and spiritual connection with another person, where souls can recognize and support each other without judgment. This bond allows for authentic self-expression and can exist in both platonic and romantic relationships.”
How Does Mutuality Lead to Peaceful Relationships? “MAUDE: We have written about the method to get to that place, and we call that Our Process. It is a methodology of getting to mutuality, of finding it on a particular topic. I’m interested in talking about the heart of it. What’s the experience of it? It’s very important to know how to get there. And that’s what Our Process describes, but what is there? What is mutuality?
PHIL: It’s a place of agreement.
MAUDE: Yes! And you can only get there together. This is a place that you exist in that is shared, and everything in it you create together. You cannot be there on your own. It’s a different kind of quality. It’s really a thing that takes a behavior between two people to create. It’s not like you can find it by yourself. You have to create it each time together. You cannot get there alone because this is about what happens when two people are able to recognize each other so much, and communicate to each other comfortably and openly what they need or who they are about any particular thing. There’s no charge. There’s a deep attraction that both people have learned to want and are moving toward together, so that they mesh.”