What are we to make of Mrs. Doasyouwouldbedoneby and Mrs. Bedonebyasyoudid, the two mysterious characters who appear at critical junctures in “The Water-Babies” by Charles Kingsley? They are symbols of how we respond to other people. Mrs. Bedonebyasyoudid is about karma. If what you did was bad, it’s about retribution, punishment, vengeance. It looks to the past for what happens today. It is a cause and effect model; you have no choice in the matter.
Mrs. Doasyouwouldbedoneby is the opposite of all of these. It places agency and responsibility in your hands. It is about what happens now and in the future. It is about free will. It ignores the past, and by so doing, implies a letting go of grievances.
So how do these two come into play in a partnership? You can be reactive to your partner or you can look to the future. Which sounds healthier to you?
So think what you would like in a relationship. Imagine being supported without being controlled. Imagine that support being freely given without obligation. Imagine making your own choices without having to explain yourself. Imagine being able to feel vulnerable and weak and have that be accepted.
Now offer all that to your partner.
How can you support your partner to best express their full potential and to actualize it? #quote Click To TweetWhat are some of the bigger principles of peaceful relating? What is the true meaning of being together in this way? What possibilities does this create?
When a relationship has as its basis total acceptance and an understanding that each person is totally unique, it creates a very specific type of being together and creates a different kind of energy than when partners are pushing or pulling at each other to change, or to become more like each other.
When you are fully accepted and when the differences between you and your partner are celebrated as an enrichment rather than being seen as a threat or obstacle to be overcome, the level of relaxation and empowerment that happens is exponential.
Living with this kind of assurance and freedom is a mighty force to support your explorations of who you are and what you have to offer. This way of relating provides a great opportunity to apply the golden rule in its highest context to your relationship. The question becomes “How can I support my partner to best express their full potential and to actualize it?”
When this is the thrust of your intention in relating, the whole tenor changes. You are not busy with yourself in your exchanges with your partner. You will be able to listen carefully to what is being communicated so you can ascertain how to be of support. This intention also calls forth presence, as it is in the present that we meet and understand our partner enough to know what kind of support and understanding will benefit them most.
When you work together in this manner, you become a strong force for good in the world. You, too, can be Mrs. Doasyouwouldbedoneby. Won’t you join us in this exciting move toward spreading love and peace?