The Balance Between Self-Reflection and Connection in Relationships

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MAUDE: Phil and I often write about how important it is to your relationships to get to know yourself and the truths that reflect who you are right now. We have emphasized the need for self-reflection so that you can make appropriate choices that represent your values, rather than just reacting from conditioning or outdated behavior. We support taking time to listen inside, and to become attuned to which of the thoughts and feelings that pass through you are the ones you want to express and act upon.

Seeking self-knowledge and becoming overly self-involved are not the same thing. The first creates an opportunity for increased conscious connection, and the second reduces it considerably. Many who embark on the path of self-realization lose themselves in the seeking and in the self.

Balance is that important ingredient. Anything done to the extreme becomes an impediment rather than an element of growth.

As you come to know yourself better, and you find ease and calm within, you do not need to be as busy with yourself, and can be more available for relating to others. You move into the present with increased awareness. When you are coming from a place of balance between involvement with yourself and connection to another, there is much more room to make contact. This is, of course, never a finished process. So, as you traverse it, remember to seek balance and watch out for any isolating patterns.

This shift has a strong effect, as it creates a noticeable change in your ability to be open and to relate. When you know where you want to put your attention and what is important for you, it changes your whole presence.

The less you are preoccupied with your own thoughts and feelings, the more you will be able to see and appreciate others. When you feel this kind of appreciation, be sure to acknowledge it and let the other person know. But that is a post for another day!

PHIL COMMENTS: I think Maude makes an important point here: it is necessary to be self-reflective about our interactions with others, because when everybody charges in with their raw needs, it becomes a struggle for control.

Yet too much navel-gazing blocks the state of flow that has so much power, whether working on your own projects or with other people.

Photo credit: Phil Mayes
Photo note: Wood carving

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