We usually choose a topic, write to it separately and then merge the two voices (see video below.) This week we decided to offer our separate voices so you can see how we write differently, yet share the same understanding.
It’s hard choosing one word to describe our relationship. We picked “successful,” but maybe that brings up an image of a beaming couple in tuxedo and evening gown, dripping with jewelry, stepping from their Rolls onto a red carpet.
Success often has financial connotations, doesn’t it? But we use it to describe a fulfilling relationship.
- It’s peaceful. We don’t argue. We don’t fight. We don’t quarrel. And as we’ve constantly reiterated, this is not through avoidance. We disagree, we interact, we find a solution. Again, we’ve covered this elsewhere.
But it’s even more than all that. It is a tangible sense. It is like stepping into a chapel or a grove of redwoods. It is not merely an absence of conflict, a fortuitous pause in the struggles of life; that would be like saying a chord is merely an absence of dissonance. No, it is as real as any other experience.
- Then there’s the sense of freedom that we both have: the freedom to do and be whatever we choose, without needing permission or approval. This is huge. It’s like the freedom of being single, yet being in a relationship at the same time. This can happen because we both accept the other completely. We place no restrictions on each other. Of course, this takes place within a framework of trust and commitment, but they are freely given.
- Such trust is possible because we agree on core values – the things that are most important to us. No need to list ours here, as different people hold different values, but the point is that when your basic values align, nothing your partner does will be threatening, and there will always be a point of agreement.
- The corollary of our sense of freedom is the complementary sense of intimacy that it engenders. The freedom to fully express ourselves means that we are each privy to the other’s innermost being, and that this coexists with our personal freedom is a mystical synthesis of opposite poles that has no equal.
So there you have it. What we have is special, but it’s not unattainable. You have to believe it’s possible, want it to be so, find that place in your body where it exists, and live there.What does a successful relationship look like? #relationships #love #marriage Click To Tweet
So, what is a successful relationship, anyway? What does it mean, and even more importantly, how does it feel? Recently we posed these questions and were looking for ways to talk about it that would help communicate the essence of the experience. Both our books and most of our blogs talk about successful relationships and what it takes to have one. We have shared about our own and those of other couples.
But what are the feelings associated with how we are together? For it is how we feel that makes this relationship so successful.
- We feel safe and secure – We both know that we are on the same side. We want the best for each other and for our relationship. This is more important to us than any one given predetermined outcome.
- We feel seen and heard – We listen to each other and take the time to acknowledge each other.
- We feel supported as individuals – We do not question our differences or try to change our partner to our point of view. We listen and look for mutual solutions.
- We feel relaxed and peaceful – We do not argue or fight. We have differing ideas or disagreements, but these are not argued about for a right and wrong side. We work toward the place that offers a solution for both of us, without either of us giving anything up.
- We feel loved – We express appreciation, acceptance and acknowledgment. We make sure to take time just for us together, and spend time in the sacred space of each other’s presence regularly.
Would you share with us in the comments section below what a successful relationship means to you? How would it or does it feel? What words come to mind? Let’s share and help each other find ways to relate in loving and peaceful relationships. We can change ourselves and our world one relationship at a time!