3 Things That Every Person Wants in Their Relationships

Podcast: Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

MAUDE: One of our readers recently wrote asking for more of our writings on the 3 A’s as we have called them: Acceptance, Appreciation and Acknowledgment. We realized that we haven’t written about them as a triad in quite a while.

In any relationship, it is important to be accepted for who we are, to be appreciated for who we are, and to be acknowledged for who we are. Most relationships will blossom when they have this group of responses as an underpinning.

Let’s take a look at each one and what it means.

• Acceptance is the recognition of the uniqueness of the other person, that each of us is a totally different individual. Approach this difference as something good, not threatening, with the understanding that it is in fact enriching.
• Appreciation comes when you flip any negative association with difference and instead celebrate it. It contains the feeling that you treasure who the other person is, and that it widens your world to get to know them deeply.
• Acknowledgment is when you communicate to the other person that you see them, like the famous words in the film Avatar. You let them know that you truly see them and that who they are brings you joy and adds to who you are.

The question then becomes how do you use this awareness, how do you apply this way of being and seeing each other directly in your relationships. The first thing is to speak it out loud to each other. If you never communicate it, the other person has no idea; your good feelings stay locked within you. Just because you see it doesn’t mean that they telepathically know it. When you acknowledge the good things in your relationships, the feeling of being seen and appreciated is powerful. Say it in words and show it in actions.

The 3 A’s are things that every person wants in their relationships. Approach each other with this way of seeing each other in mind. The other person is the same as you and they want these three things just as you do. It’s important to realize that these are not very hard to give! You just need to incorporate these into your point of view. Shift around the way you look at your exchanges and be more aware of sharing how you see and appreciate the other person.

We recommend doing this in all your deeper more intimate relationships. Once you experience the power this simple awareness has and the sense of calm and peace you create in your interactions, you can slowly move a little further out to slightly less intimate relationships. If we all learn to be together in this way it can spread rapidly. This is how we spread peace one relationship at a time.Three things that every person wants: acceptance, appreciation, acknowledgment #quote #relationships Share on X

PHIL: A reader asked about the 3 A’s of acceptance, appreciation, and acknowledgment.

Conflicts start with differences. Everyone is different, and it can irk you like a mosquito bite. Why do they do it that way? Why aren’t they ready? How untidy!

But alongside differences are similarities: we’re all human, we all eat and talk and yearn, and in these basic ways, we are all equal. So they have as much right to their choices of how to act as you do (axe murderers excepted), and, to use another “A” word, you should grant them autonomy in their conduct. And this is how you reach acceptance.

The next step is appreciation. Even if it irks you, appreciate that there are other ways to wash the dishes. Be curious. Don’t think worse, think different. And then there is better. Look at all the ways they navigate with ease through the world. It might be putting up shelves or making friends or filling out forms; appreciate how they do with so little effort what would be a struggle for you.

And lastly, acknowledgment. Tell people what you appreciate and what you admire. Here is why that is so important: we all need acceptance, appreciation, and acknowledgment for a satisfying life. Maslow would include them in his hierarchy if he didn’t already. Could you be happy if you were unaccepted, unappreciated or unacknowledged? No, we all need every one of these, which is why you should accept, appreciate, and acknowledge the people you meet.

This may seem a steep order, but the way to get comfortable with it and make it habitual is to start with the people closest to you. Talk about the 3 A’s. This will make the ideas clearer in your head and give you both a framework for how you interact.

Photo credit: Maude Mayes
Photo note: John accepting certificate of appreciation and acknowledgment

Read what some other writers have to say on this topic.

Get our free weekly newsletter about how to have a harmonious relationship.

Tell your friends!