Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote about how to create truly peaceful relationships. Here are a few of our posts on that theme.
How to Remove Tension and Find Peace in Your Relationships “To meet another person in this way requires that each party feels safe from attack or power trips. There has to be the assurance of meeting as co-conspirators rather than adversaries. The give and take has to have balance and be expressive of genuine caring. Often in relationships, people feel this way but react unconsciously and more out of habit. It is important to pay attention to tone of voice and to make clear you are speaking from your own feelings and perspective, rather than absolute statements that leave no room for including the other person’s needs. This path is not difficult or out of reach for most people. It requires a belief in the possibility and a commitment to grow in the practice. The more you do it, the more attractive it becomes and the easier it is to go there. Peace is always a choice, and one you can make and practice in your deep relationships!”
What We Have Learned About Peace And Harmony Through Our Relationship “This comes in part from the experience of being totally accepted for who I am, of feeling seen, heard and acknowledged. The critical component is of acceptance of me as a separate and unique person. We have learned and continue to learn what it means to be together and connected, while not thinking that you have to have agreement with each other all the time. There is a deep sense of trust in each other that has developed; trust that we will be honest with each other, that we want goodness for each other, and that we come from a place of always thinking the best of each other. This involves being willing to look inside myself for the causes of any disagreement and being willing to see unnecessary defensiveness or any needing to be right that may be at play. Interacting with this kind of trust and honesty brings an indescribable pleasure with it; the sense of true peace and harmony. It creates an atmosphere of relaxation and calm that allows clarity to respond lovingly without anything being held back or causing distance between us. It opens a quiet space to all the positive advantages in the differences between us without any need to create sameness.”
How to Experience Peace in Your Relationships “One source of peace comes from the knowledge that we are always on the same side. You might think that we would sometimes tussle on which way to go, how to spend (or not spend) money, or any of the hundreds of things that people clash over, but we don’t. Think of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Let’s group them into physical, social, and self; for a satisfying life, people need all three. The social need is to feel connected to others, and that connection is strongest in close relationships. That is what our relationship provides for me, and it is not at odds with the other needs. My physical needs are made easier by being in a partnership, and my self-actualization needs are not in conflict with the relationship because we practice total acceptance – we recognize each other as independent people, and we move through the world both together and separately. The knowledge of being on the same side can be a sense and is also boosted by experience. Maybe you meet someone and get a good vibe from them; maybe you see over time how they behave. Whatever the route, it creates a sense of comfort, a sense of ease, a sense of security, a sense of trust.”