Why We Don’t Argue
The other night I remarked on the fact that we never feel in conflict with each other, and that this reflects a choice we’ve both made, just like neither of us watch stock car racing, because we don’t enjoy it.
There are two ways to look at someone who does get into conflicts. They may be drawn to that emotion, either explicitly or because it echoes a familial situation that feels comforting because of its familiarity. Alternatively, people behave in this manner because they have not learned that there are alternative ways to respond.
[At this point, a full article would lead into our previous writings about speaking using “I” not “you”, which helps to avoid blame, criticism and put-downs; letting each person speak fully; and how the ensuing mutual understanding and empathy leads to new ideas and a resolution that works for both parties.]