We have written many times about the extraordinary peaceful and passionate nature of our relationship, and in fact our primary goal in all our writings, books and blogs is to spread peace one relationship at a time.
In these very disturbing times, it seems a good moment to focus on this central part of our message. We have a direct experience of peace together that neither of us has known about previously, except as an image or goal. When we speak of this we are not referring simply to the absence of conflict.
For us, peace is not a void described by the absence of conflict, anger or war. Peace is an actual experience. It is filled with calm, assurance of goodness, acute awareness of presence, acceptance of what is, joy and overflowing love. “How Two: Have a Successful Relationship“
When you’re attacked, whether verbally, physically or emotionally, the natural responses are fight, flight or freeze. Fight, in particular, will only escalate the situation. This is probably all too familiar to you. How can you avoid this?
Awareness, consciousness, attention – whatever you want to call it – is part of what you need to short-circuit these responses. The other part is recognizing that having emotions and acting on them are two different things. In other words, be angry but don’t throw the dishes. Being able to say to yourself “That makes me angry” or “That makes me scared” without reacting is a way to come from an inner center of peace. This is the same place you reach in meditation, which is one of the reasons why the latter is so helpful in life.
All that is about dealing with your responses in isolation. The next step is empathy, understanding, listening – trying to hear and understand where your partner is coming from, what they are reacting to, why they are behaving that way – that is the route towards finding a resolution that fits both of your emotional needs.
Peace is a conscious choice. John Denver
Practicing peace takes a decision to do so. The tools can be learned, but the belief and the intention have to be there. Peace can be the foundation and underpinning of all your interactions, but only if you choose for it to be so. This goes for your close relationships and also for your response to the bigger movements and issues in the world.
Practicing peace takes a decision to do so Click To TweetIf you are to live and grow into peaceful relating, then it is necessary to have forbearance and to hold to the well-spring of peace as your approach. You cannot allow yourself to react and to be pulled into other forms of being together. This is true of a personal relationship and on a global scale as well.
Stay the course and pull others in with you, rather than the other way around. When acting from truth and love, you gain power and authority. You can use it to change the world into the peaceful loving place you know it can be.