Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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Herebooks are some articles on knowing yourself.

The Importance of Self-Awareness, and How to Become More Self Aware “Self-awareness (sometimes also referred to as self-knowledge or introspection) is about understanding your own needs, desires, failings, habits, and everything else that makes you tick. The more you know about yourself, the better you are at adapting life changes that suit your needs.”

Getting to Know Yourself, What You Like, and What You Want in Life “In some ways, it may seem counterintuitive to have to learn to know yourself. Surely that should be a given, right? Not necessarily. While our experiences clearly helped shape us into the people we are today, this does not mean that we necessarily know who we really are—what we are passionate about and what we want from life.”

Know Thyself! “Coming to a knowledge of the self is no simple task and often goes underdeveloped because we tend to resist it. Our vision of our inner world does not come as naturally to us as our ability to perceive the outside world. It is nevertheless a learnable skill that with some direction, time and effort we can get better at.”

 

 

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Here are some articles on Being Right.

Being Right or Being in Relationship: Which Do You Choose? “A person who is more interested in being right will focus on what they are not getting from another person, and spend their time and energies attempting to communicate their unmet needs. A person whose greater interest is being in relationship will focus more on understanding what the other person’s needs are, and in learning more about how they can assist the other person in meeting those needs.” This article also leads to a useful exercise of 10 questions.

Saving your relationship by letting go of the need to always be right “Being right is like an addictive drug. You always need more of it in order to feel satisfied. But the feeling of peace and harmony that comes from surrendering this primitive drive to be right can lead to a lifetime of joy in your personal relationships.”

Why People In Happy Relationships Don’t Worry About Being Right “Learning how to make joint decisions about these marital issues can be difficult: The goal is that both people come out of the conversation feeling respected and heard. Most couples are unsure about how to have such conversations because they focus on the content versus the emotional needs of their partner during difficult conversations.”

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Here are some articles on work in relationships, and whether it is necessary.

Ben Affleck And The Experts Are Wrong: Marriage Is Not Hard Work “But contrary to what everyone seems to think — experts in the field, friends, therapists — even Mr. Affleck — I don’t believe marriage has to be work. I know this because I have been married 31 years, and I don’t consider my marriage work at all. And neither does my husband. ”

Do Relationships Really Need To Be A Lot Of Work? “‘Relationships are a lot of work.’ This is a popular belief that holds some truth: Relationships can be a lot of work, especially when they’re in transition…. Does a relationship need to be a lot of work? Unless you’re the type who likes to work on yourself and your relationship all the time, I say no.”

Relationships Take Work (But Not In the Way You Think) “What I’ve come to realize is that “work” isn’t quite the right term for what it takes to maintain a lasting, long-term relationship. At least, not this negative image of work I’ve envisioned in my head.”

 

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Here are some articles on commitment. We think that you’ll enjoy them and find some useful ideas.

What do we mean by commitment? “The difficulty is that we’re making promises about behaviors and outcomes, but ignoring the process necessary to achieve that goal.”

What Does Commitment Really Mean To You? “Commitments are made outside of time. The question is not so much about whether or not we stay together, no matter what, but about the kind of relationship we are both agreeing to create together.”

Commitment in healthy relationships This is a more academic view of commitment in relationsips. “Commitment may be considered a relationship skill because the abilities necessary to make and keep commitments must be learned, practiced, and refined just like those for effective couple communication (see Wiley 2007 in this issue) or any other relationship skill.”

Committed Relationship – What Does That Really Mean? “Commitment is what you and your significant other have mutually decided it is. And more importantly, it’s supporting and respecting that vision for each other.”

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Our approach to this issue is sufficiently unusual that it was difficult to find any links that directly address the topic. However, here are three articles that do talk to sustaining joy within your relationship.

Finding the Deepest Joy in Relationships “As we become more inwardly free from our conditioning and our fears, the love and connection that are possible in relationships tend to flow through us more naturally.”

Finding Real Joy in Relationships “Positive psychology is a relatively new branch within science; rather than studying dysfunction and treating illness, researchers in this area focus on investigating and promoting mental health.”

3 Keys to Keeping the Joy in Your Relationship “By making adjustments in our focus, filters and priorities we can literally transform what we bring into a meaningful relationship and what we receive from it.”