Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.


This week, we wrote about how important tone of voice is to peace in your relationships. Here are some articles on different aspects of this topic.

The Power of Tone of Voice: How It Can Influence Relationships “The tone of voice we use in our relationships can have a significant impact on how we communicate and connect with others. A positive tone of voice can enhance communication, build trust, and promote empathy and emotional connection..”

Improve your tone of voice in communication “In his book, The Relationship Cure, Dr. Gottman reveals that when it comes to assessing the meaning of communication in relationships, only 7% of that meaning comes from the spoken word, while 38% comes from the tone of voice in communication. Words that may seem neutral can become provoking if spoken with a sarcastic, demeaning or contemptuous tone of voice, causing the listener to feel hurt and disrespected. A soft tone of voice is often interpreted as lack of confidence – but too loud, and you’ll be seen as aggressive. You want your listener to focus on your words, not be distracted by your demeanor. You need to learn how to watch your tone – and use it to get what you want.”

Improving and Watching Your Tone of Voice “How many arguments between couples and friends start because someone misinterpreted what someone else was saying? Have you ever considered that maybe the miscommunication came from how something was said, not what was said?
Some estimates say verbal communication–what you actually say–can be as little as 7% of the conversation. This estimate means that body language and tone of voice may account for the majority of communication between people. Understanding and watching your tone and other nonverbal language may be the key to bettering your relationships with others.”

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This week, we wrote about how to handle discord in your relationship. Here are three writers with advice on what to do.

7 Ways to Reconnect When You Feel Disconnected in Your Relationship “Relationships are always evolving. As much as we wish our relationships were all perfect and conflict-free, that’s just not reality. There may be periods when you feel disconnected from your partner, whether that be romantic or platonic. This can happen for many reasons, and a lot of them might not even have to do with you. If you’re feeling disconnected in your relationship, here are seven tips to help you reconnect.”

When you’re Disconnected “In every relationship, disconnection happens. While it may be normal, it isn’t healthy to linger in the gap of discord. When disconnection seeps into a relationship, what we do with it matters most. Tune into the red flags of disconnection. It might be less time spent together, increasing conflict, less physical touch, or perpetuating silence when you’re in the same room. Red flags vary for each relationship. But there are common feelings that signal disconnect. It’s usually a ping of loneliness, feelings of misunderstanding, and questioning whether you truly matter to your mate.”

The 4Ds of Disconnection in Interpersonal Relationships “Have you ever wondered what’s more fragile than life itself? I ascertain it to be the bonds of interpersonal relationships that we nurture in our lives. Our relationships shape us—they make us as well as break us. We can’t deny the power of relationships in any way possible. However, the question often boils down to whether we’re able to manage our relationships well or not. Chances are we might have felt disconnected even in the healthiest of our relationships. Sometimes our efforts to understand others’ needs and communicate our own doesn’t result in the best of outcomes. It’s no one’s fault because we won’t intentionally treat others the way we wouldn’t like others to treat us. However, we unintentionally or let’s rather say automatically often engage in ways that cause us to disconnect from each other.”

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This week we wrote that peaceful relationships really do exist, and you can make yours one of them. Here are some writers who agree and describe ways to achieve that peaceful state.

Peace in a Relationship “Peace in a relationship is characterized by a sense of comfort, trust, and emotional safety. It means that you can be your authentic self without fear of judgment or rejection. It’s a feeling of acceptance and understanding that comes from both partners being on the same page and working towards common goals. Communication is clear and respectful, and disagreements are handled in a constructive manner. There is a sense of balance and equality, with each partner contributing to the relationship in their own way. There is no anxiety, no need for jealousy, there’s trust and both your minds are calm.
In short, peace in a relationship is a state of mutual harmony and contentment.”

How to Have a Peace of Mind in a Relationship: The Ultimate Guide to Creating Peaceful Relationships With Your Partner “Let’s kick things off with a truth bomb: the bedrock of any peaceful relationship is clear, open, and honest dialogue. Imagine you’re trying to bake a cake, but you’ve decided to play a guessing game with the ingredients. Sounds disastrous, right? That’s exactly what happens when you’re not upfront about your feelings, needs, and expectations in a relationship.”

Relationship Peace “Peace is not a consequence that automatically occurs because two people choose to enter into a human relationship like marriage or friendship. Without consistent effort any preference for peace will probably be overcome by the prevalence of problems. Genuine peace must be pursued with diligence and devotion.”

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This week, we wrote about how trust and peace go hand in hand in your relationships. Here are some other writings on the topic.

Why Trust Matters in Relationships and Marriage “Trust is a valuable asset in every relationship. It is the cornerstone that shapes an individual’s ability to engage in a happy relationship. Trust provides the comfort in a relationship where two people can learn to count on each other.”

The Foundation of Trust: Why It Matters in a Relationship “Trust is about being able to be vulnerable with someone and feel safe, even when that vulnerability is uncomfortable. Trust means that I don’t need to act defensively to protect myself because, well, there is no attack. Trust spends a lot of time with that unconditional love we all hear so much about because trust means we are wholly accepted for who we are.”

Why Is Trust Important in a Relationship? “Trust is critical to a happy, healthy, romantic relationship. So, why is trust important in a relationship? It provides comfort and allows partners to count on each other. That’s because trust and other components of a relationship, such as honesty, vulnerability, and open communication, go hand in hand.”

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This week, we wrote about how to avoid relationship conflicts by using the word “stop”, and here are a number of writers offering their variants on the idea.

The Power of Pause: How Taking a Break Can Transform Relationship Conflicts “The power of the pause is simple: it’s a strategy that harnesses the strength of stepping back and taking a breather in the midst of heated moments. Breathing is simple, remembering to breathe is not easy. And the more escalated and indignant people become, the more they dig in their heels. The pace of the fight is accelerated, and basically the whole thing is out of control. There are very few people who find this to be easy or natural, but the good news is that anyone can develop this skill with practice and intention.”

How Mindfulness Can Help Couples Cool Down “One of my favorite interventions, which encourages attentional mindfulness, is simply to ask, “What are you noticing now?” I find that there can be tremendous benefits simply by shifting my clients’ attention to their own bodily sensations—clenched jaw or fists, tightness in their throat or chest, churning in the stomach—and by labeling their feelings as they arise and escalate: Anger, sadness, fear, and shame are the most common ones. Noting their patterns of thoughts and behaviors helps see them for what they are: habitual and automatic, well-grooved into the brain’s neural circuitry. And like any habit, these patterns don’t need to own or define us; they’re something we can change.”

A Powerful Tool to Stay Grounded in Conflict “…a simple mindfulness practice traditionally associated with Buddhism, shamatha, meaning calm presence. This practice is centred around concentration on your breathing as it is. If you are breathing, you are already halfway there to starting this practice! The simplicity of this practice allows it to be used anywhere you are, and as we become more familiar with it, it will become a tool used effortlessly to ground ourselves in the present.”