Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week, we wrote about why it’s important to speak your feelings in relationships and when in the best time to express them. Here is some good advice on working with your feelings in the context of a relationship.

How to Express Feelings… and How Not To “We are wired to have feelings. If we express these feelings in off-putting ways, this wiring can invite a disconnect in our relationships. By contrast, expressing feelings in a safe way can lead to our feeling more connected, especially to loved ones. Knowing how to express feelings tactfully is therefore vital if you want to feel close to people and to sustain your relationships.”

How to Express Your Emotions in a Romantic Relationship “Diving into your own emotions can be tough enough. Discussing them with someone else, especially your romantic partner/s, may feel downright overwhelming. But doing so is critical for your relationship: Talking about feelings builds trust and intimacy, says Laura Silverstein, a Pennsylvania-based clinical social worker. “The more vulnerable we are, the closer and more connected we will feel,” says Silverstein…”

How to Express Your Feelings “It’s much easier to share your thoughts, the intellectual information in your brain, than your feelings. Both women and men can have difficulty expressing feelings, although male partners seem to have an even harder time with heart-to-heart communication. Sharing the depth of your feelings in your heart takes emotional risk and courage, as it can make you feel exposed and vulnerable.”

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This week, we wrote about how important tone of voice is to peace in your relationships. Here are some articles on different aspects of this topic.

The Power of Tone of Voice: How It Can Influence Relationships “The tone of voice we use in our relationships can have a significant impact on how we communicate and connect with others. A positive tone of voice can enhance communication, build trust, and promote empathy and emotional connection..”

Improve your tone of voice in communication “In his book, The Relationship Cure, Dr. Gottman reveals that when it comes to assessing the meaning of communication in relationships, only 7% of that meaning comes from the spoken word, while 38% comes from the tone of voice in communication. Words that may seem neutral can become provoking if spoken with a sarcastic, demeaning or contemptuous tone of voice, causing the listener to feel hurt and disrespected. A soft tone of voice is often interpreted as lack of confidence – but too loud, and you’ll be seen as aggressive. You want your listener to focus on your words, not be distracted by your demeanor. You need to learn how to watch your tone – and use it to get what you want.”

Improving and Watching Your Tone of Voice “How many arguments between couples and friends start because someone misinterpreted what someone else was saying? Have you ever considered that maybe the miscommunication came from how something was said, not what was said?
Some estimates say verbal communication–what you actually say–can be as little as 7% of the conversation. This estimate means that body language and tone of voice may account for the majority of communication between people. Understanding and watching your tone and other nonverbal language may be the key to bettering your relationships with others.”

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This week, we wrote about how to handle discord in your relationship. Here are three writers with advice on what to do.

7 Ways to Reconnect When You Feel Disconnected in Your Relationship “Relationships are always evolving. As much as we wish our relationships were all perfect and conflict-free, that’s just not reality. There may be periods when you feel disconnected from your partner, whether that be romantic or platonic. This can happen for many reasons, and a lot of them might not even have to do with you. If you’re feeling disconnected in your relationship, here are seven tips to help you reconnect.”

When you’re Disconnected “In every relationship, disconnection happens. While it may be normal, it isn’t healthy to linger in the gap of discord. When disconnection seeps into a relationship, what we do with it matters most. Tune into the red flags of disconnection. It might be less time spent together, increasing conflict, less physical touch, or perpetuating silence when you’re in the same room. Red flags vary for each relationship. But there are common feelings that signal disconnect. It’s usually a ping of loneliness, feelings of misunderstanding, and questioning whether you truly matter to your mate.”

The 4Ds of Disconnection in Interpersonal Relationships “Have you ever wondered what’s more fragile than life itself? I ascertain it to be the bonds of interpersonal relationships that we nurture in our lives. Our relationships shape us—they make us as well as break us. We can’t deny the power of relationships in any way possible. However, the question often boils down to whether we’re able to manage our relationships well or not. Chances are we might have felt disconnected even in the healthiest of our relationships. Sometimes our efforts to understand others’ needs and communicate our own doesn’t result in the best of outcomes. It’s no one’s fault because we won’t intentionally treat others the way we wouldn’t like others to treat us. However, we unintentionally or let’s rather say automatically often engage in ways that cause us to disconnect from each other.”

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This week we wrote that peaceful relationships really do exist, and you can make yours one of them. Here are some writers who agree and describe ways to achieve that peaceful state.

Peace in a Relationship “Peace in a relationship is characterized by a sense of comfort, trust, and emotional safety. It means that you can be your authentic self without fear of judgment or rejection. It’s a feeling of acceptance and understanding that comes from both partners being on the same page and working towards common goals. Communication is clear and respectful, and disagreements are handled in a constructive manner. There is a sense of balance and equality, with each partner contributing to the relationship in their own way. There is no anxiety, no need for jealousy, there’s trust and both your minds are calm.
In short, peace in a relationship is a state of mutual harmony and contentment.”

How to Have a Peace of Mind in a Relationship: The Ultimate Guide to Creating Peaceful Relationships With Your Partner “Let’s kick things off with a truth bomb: the bedrock of any peaceful relationship is clear, open, and honest dialogue. Imagine you’re trying to bake a cake, but you’ve decided to play a guessing game with the ingredients. Sounds disastrous, right? That’s exactly what happens when you’re not upfront about your feelings, needs, and expectations in a relationship.”

Relationship Peace “Peace is not a consequence that automatically occurs because two people choose to enter into a human relationship like marriage or friendship. Without consistent effort any preference for peace will probably be overcome by the prevalence of problems. Genuine peace must be pursued with diligence and devotion.”

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This week, we wrote about how trust and peace go hand in hand in your relationships. Here are some other writings on the topic.

Why Trust Matters in Relationships and Marriage “Trust is a valuable asset in every relationship. It is the cornerstone that shapes an individual’s ability to engage in a happy relationship. Trust provides the comfort in a relationship where two people can learn to count on each other.”

The Foundation of Trust: Why It Matters in a Relationship “Trust is about being able to be vulnerable with someone and feel safe, even when that vulnerability is uncomfortable. Trust means that I don’t need to act defensively to protect myself because, well, there is no attack. Trust spends a lot of time with that unconditional love we all hear so much about because trust means we are wholly accepted for who we are.”

Why Is Trust Important in a Relationship? “Trust is critical to a happy, healthy, romantic relationship. So, why is trust important in a relationship? It provides comfort and allows partners to count on each other. That’s because trust and other components of a relationship, such as honesty, vulnerability, and open communication, go hand in hand.”

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