Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week, we wrote about why it’s important to relate to community as well as individuals. Here are some earlier posts where we talk about what we all can do.

Community in the Year of the Virus “We have been getting feedback from our readers on how much their sense of community has changed and grown in their present experiences. There is an appreciation for others growing out of the very fact of not being able to come together, at least not physically. People seem to have become so much more aware of the importance of relationships, near and far, and of the communities we are a part of.”

How to Make a Better World Through Your Relationships “We’re talking about the experience of being open to someone when you meet them, of seeing them as another human being; someone with dreams, desires, and needs just like you. It is a peaceful attitude that can be recognized, and the other person feels that much better for it. Even if there are differences, the other person feels that their position is going to be taken into account. If you don’t get a peaceful response, don’t respond in kind, but continue to look at what is motivating them. Not only your world, but the whole world is fractionally improved by your contribution. It may seem small, but it counts, just as every vote counts. Imagine what the world would be like if everybody acted in this way: world peace! Yes, we’re a long way off at the moment, but we are moving toward it, even if Ukraine and Gaza say otherwise. Hold this in mind when you interact with people. Be inspired, and be inspiring. Be a part of that goal.”

Promoting Peace: What Can You Do to Make a Difference? “I was talking with a dear friend the other day, and we started discussing peace and how much it is on our minds and hearts these days. We discussed the feeling of hopelessness that seems so prevalent and what to do about it. After recounting a few stories of her experiences searching for peace within her interactions, she said that in order to have peace you need to feel peaceful inside yourself and then find ways to share and spread that to each one of your relationships. We began looking at what we can do personally. I shared my appreciation of a project called I Declare World Peace, in which people create a short video with their personal declaration, and these videos from all over the world are available to view. Making such a video is very empowering. You stand up in front of the world and you declare peace. It is simple and it has a profound effect. It is my belief that by the very act of putting it out there, you bring change.”

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This week, we wrote about embracing acceptance and how to let go of annoyances in relationships. Here are a few of our previous blogs about this topic.

It’s Important to Know You Can Choose Peaceful Relationships “Peace is just a concept or a word to many people. It has not yet become an experience, a visceral reality. It has the element of fantasy to some, or something that is far off and distant to others. And it will remain so if you do not make it a part of how you live and conduct your deep relationships. Phil and I know that this is possible, and what we want to share is that there is a choice to be made. There is nothing wrong with feeling bad, but when you are consciously or unconsciously attracted and prone to dwelling in negativity, that is a choice. You can choose peace, you can create peace in your own life. There are many aspects to how, and those are the topics of our posts. The real deciding factor is to make the choice to move in that direction, realize you can, and keep choosing it each time you are confronted with a decision.”

How to Create Peace Instead of Conflict in Your Relationships “A close relationship is fundamentally different from others as it is built upon openness and honesty, both in sharing and accepting. This creates trust, which allows you to be more open, which creates more trust, and so on. You can set an intention and make a choice to imbue your relationships with these qualities. How do you carry this out? Applying awareness to the tone and timbre of your voice, your body language, making eye contact, expressing warmth and attentiveness, being patient, and listening actively – these create an atmosphere conducive to openness. It is vital to feel comfortable and free of all worries of being attacked, criticized, or any actions that will require defensiveness, closing down, protecting, or withholding. Those things cause separation and withdrawal from the connection and lead to the buildup of issues – the kind of issues that cause conflict and distance between people.”

Why Little Things Like Thank You are Important in Relationships “Our experience of the world is very much influenced by our choices. Take a look within and make decisions for yourself. Are you an agent of peace and harmony? Do you wish to be? Look at your communications, both verbal and non-verbal. What are the little things that you practice? Do you acknowledge and appreciate the people you are close to? Peace and a sense of harmony are visceral. You can spread these in each and every interaction you have; within each relationship there are many opportunities to make them a reality. The more we create peace and harmony and the more we experience them, the more we will be spreading that reality in the world.”

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This week, we wrote that you should rely on relationships to stay sane in an insane world. Here are three of our earlier posts on supporting each other.

How Your Peaceful Relationships Are a Shelter From the Storm “I won’t pretend that this does not bring me to tears sometimes, but I do want to stress that as troubled by all this as I am, this is not my inner reality. I am quietly, calmly peaceful inside. I have joy in my heart and gratefulness for every moment and every connection with others. I am buoyed up by those people who are willing to live in peace and love while standing firm in this world and doing whatever they can to make things better.”

How to Find Peace and Hope Through Your Relationships “We found ourselves in a very special part of nature, far away from the deluge of projections, divisive storylines and media outpourings. One of the days we walked along the cliffs of Montana de Oro, a California State Park with over 6000 acres and over 7 miles of coastline. It was foggy and pretty empty of people. We’d been walking for quite some time, breathing in the air and the atmosphere, when I grabbed Phil’s hand and motioned for him to stop. I realized our footsteps were the only sound other than occasional bird noises. We stood there wrapped in stillness, in an intense sense of quiet…The peace that permeated both of us was profound. I felt my hope and a sense of belief in goodness and love flooding through me. It was palpable. It was okay. It was more than okay. It was wonderful. We were wonderful together…All it took was to remove ourselves from the hammering from pundits and mainstream media and replace that with a few days of concentration on ourselves, our relationship, and of course, the healing power of nature.”

Why It’s Important to Support Each Other in Your Relationships “We each have a strong feeling of being supported by the other person. It pervades our togetherness and is one of the underpinnings of the peace that characterizes our relationship. It is a feeling, an experience, rather than a thought…It feels good to give support, too. It feels good to wish the other the best, share their enjoyment, and savor their growth. It feels natural and effortless: it is not transactional, there is no quid pro quo, there is no invoice being prepared….This experience of both giving and receiving support is mutual, and this mutuality is a large part of the peace that we experience together. We do not express it in the same ways. We are different people with different skills, and we do not expect the other to act and express themselves as we do. Yet we are equally invested in giving and getting that feeling.”

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This week, we wrote about why acknowledgment is a magic charm for relationships. Here are some of our earlier writings on acceptance, appreciation and acknowledgment.

How to Strengthen Your Relationships with Appreciation and Acknowledgment “I had an experience the other day that brought up for me just how meaningful it can be to let another person know that you see them and appreciate them. I was texting back and forth with a friend, when all of a sudden, right in the midst of a rather mundane text about little things we were sharing, she wrote “I just have to tell you how much I relish that you’re in my life.” It took my breath away for a moment to receive this comment. It stopped me and turned my mind to thinking about the importance of these kinds of acknowledgments. I know my friend feels this way without her saying it, but it still had a strong impact on me to hear her state it.”

Why Relationships Last: Acceptance, Acknowledgment, Appreciation “It is an amazing feeling when someone truly sees you, hears you, and celebrates who you are; when the feedback you receive is acknowledging, accepting, and appreciative. There is a sense of warmth and relief that comes over you and a calm relaxation that engulfs you when you are offered this gift. This is the actual experience of peace that descends upon you when interactions are devoid of criticism, rejection, or attempts to change you. There is a similar experience of peacefulness within you when you can accept, acknowledge and appreciate the uniqueness, the otherness of someone you are relating to. When you approach them with this attitude, it changes you. When you experience actions or statements that are different from the way you usually act and can still recognize the commonality, it is transformative.”

3 Things That Every Person Wants in Their Relationships “In any relationship, it is important to be accepted for who we are, to be appreciated for who we are, and to be acknowledged for who we are. Most relationships will blossom when they have this group of responses as an underpinning…The question then becomes how do you use this awareness, how do you apply this way of being and seeing each other directly in your relationships. The first thing is to speak it out loud to each other. If you never communicate it, the other person has no idea; your good feelings stay locked within you. Just because you see it doesn’t mean that they telepathically know it. When you acknowledge the good things in your relationships, the feeling of being seen and appreciated is powerful. Say it in words and show it in actions.”

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This week, we wrote about how to let conflicts go until you can talk without charge. Here are some articles from us on how to handle conflicts in your relationships.

How To Avoid Relationship Conflicts With One Little Word “This technique was designed to be used in situations where you are feeling responses like irritation, impatience, or anger in your relationships. The simple, yet very effective technique, is to ask yourself in such a situation, “What is important here?” This helps you to calm down and to think about where you want to put your emphasis in responding to a situation you are finding challenging. When I recounted this story, I unconsciously added a word to it. I said. “Stop, and ask yourself what is important here.” One of the women shared that hearing me say stop gave her something she could understand working with when things were getting heated in a relationship.”

How to Create Peace Instead of Conflict in Your Relationships “Current culture and leading relationship experts hold that conflict within relationships is inevitable, and that lack of conflict is a danger sign for a relationship. They say if you don’t have conflicts, it means that you are suppressing your emotions and heading for trouble. The conflict arises inevitably from innate differences between each person (see last week’s blog on this issue). There is a prevailing opinion that suggests that you can balance criticisms and injuries within a relationship by having at least five compliments for every criticism. We have a very different view about this.”

What Makes Up a Conflict-free Relationship? “Critical to having a peaceful conflict-free relationship is an attitude we refer to as total acceptance. Understanding that the other person is a full and separate individual, with different ways of expressing themselves and unique preferences, is a necessary foundation for peaceful relating. Total acceptance is the practical application of this understanding. It is an act of trust in the other, a belief in their positive intentions. Unfortunately, this is something that many people are not familiar with. This is an experience rather than a concept, and so it is something you must learn about through doing. How can you approach this?”

 

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