Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week, we wrote about why respect is important for creating peaceful relationships. Here are some earlier posts of ours that examine this very important aspect of successful relationships.

Why Respect is Important for a Happy, Loving Relationship “Respect is almost an old fashioned word. We don’t speak of it often. And yet, it is one of the cornerstones of happy loving relationships. It is what we offer when we accept another’s individuality. Not just accepting, but honoring their uniqueness. We show respect by the way we treat each other: by our tone of voice, our willingness to listen, to accept the inevitable differences of personality and behavior. We show it by our love and our kindness; by the empathy we feel and the warmth, safety and comfort we give.”

Why Respect and Equality are so Important in Your Relationships “Many of the qualities that we write and teach about that contribute to happy, peaceful relating have a common underpinning, and that is respect. When you accept the uniqueness of expression of another, you are showing respect. When you listen with the intention to truly hear and understand another person, you are being respectful. When you speak your truth to another, you are behaving with respect. When we treat each other with “due regard”, we grow toward a Golden Rule of relating. This calls for honoring others with our presence and attention, and offering them that which we most desire ourselves. The very simple interactions we all crave lie in being heard, being seen and being acknowledged as we see ourselves. And most of all, being accepted for who we are without feeling we are being asked to be who or what we are not.”

Why Respect is the Small Word With Big Importance in Relationships “A less frequently talked about, but equally important aspect of peaceful harmonious relationships, is respect. Respect need not be based on accomplishments or be earned. It is something we offer arising from an awareness of our kindred nature. We offer respect for each other’s uniqueness, individuality, and commonality. Respect encompasses honoring the other while feeling connected to them by the similarities of nature. It leads to an expression of acceptance and appreciation of their “otherness”. It has a basic understanding of the Golden Rule of “do unto others…” built into it. Respect for another leads to allowing for their will and their choices to be different than your own and an attitude of non-interference with those differences. As you grow in your practice of respect, you will find you are learning a lot about yourself from these close interactions with that “otherness”. It often engenders fascination with getting to know and understand how something so basically different can be the same.”

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This week, we wrote about how to find joy, peace and inner strength through your relationships. Here are a few other posts we wrote on gaining strength from your relationships.

How to Find Strength From Your Relationship “In these strange and divisive times, it behooves us to take a real look at all that is good, beautiful and loving in our lives, and to take comfort and joy from those things. The fabric of our intimate relationships can be a powerful force for peace and unity if we treat it consciously as a source of renewal and solace. People so often forget or take these very relationships for granted, and no longer draw on them for peaceful energy. In fact, when under tension, it is too often the tendency to act out with the very people one feels safest with.”

How Your Peaceful Relationships Are a Shelter From the Storm “Phil and I share an inner peacefulness that is beyond any of the effects of the changing world we live in. Through the practices we share with you every week, we experience a path of peace that never wavers and serves to strengthen our individual struggles. This is true of a number of my deep relationships where this peace we speak of is a living quality. I can turn to those in moments of distress to help me and strengthen me. These peaceful relationships provide the shelter from the storm that all of us need sometimes, while we renew and refresh ourselves.”

How to Find Peace and Hope Through Your Relationships “We found ourselves in a very special part of nature, far away from the deluge of projections, divisive storylines and media outpourings. One of the days we walked along the cliffs of Montana de Oro, a California State Park with over 6000 acres and over 7 miles of coastline. It was foggy and pretty empty of people. We’d been walking for quite some time, breathing in the air and the atmosphere, when I grabbed Phil’s hand and motioned for him to stop. I realized our footsteps were the only sound other than occasional bird noises. We stood there wrapped in stillness, in an intense sense of quiet. The peace that permeated both of us was profound. I felt my hope and a sense of belief in goodness and love flooding through me. It was palpable. It was okay. It was more than okay. It was wonderful. We were wonderful together.”

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This week, we wrote about why peaceful relationships depend on what you do and don’t do. Here are some other posts we’ve written where we talk about the choices you make.

Chance or Choice? This is a short piece written over a dozen years ago and yet the message is still the same! “But it’s not what we are, what lottery tickets we have drawn, so much as what we do. It’s not a found thing, it’s an intentional thing. If you want a passionate, peaceful relationship, you don’t find it by looking, you find it by bringing passion and peace to the table.”

It’s Important to Know You Can Choose Peaceful Relationships “Peace on the other hand, is just a concept or a word to many people. It has not yet become an experience, a visceral reality. It has the element of fantasy to some, or something that is far off and distant to others. And it will remain so if you do not make it a part of how you live and conduct your deep relationships. Phil and I know that this is possible, and what we want to share is that there is a choice to be made. There is nothing wrong with feeling bad, but when you are consciously or unconsciously attracted and prone to dwelling in negativity, that is a choice. You can choose peace, you can create peace in your own life. There are many aspects to how, and those are the topics of our posts. The real deciding factor is to make the choice to move in that direction, realize you can, and keep choosing it each time you are confronted with a decision.”

3 Things That Every Person Wants in Their Relationships “Conflicts start with differences. Everyone is different, and it can irk you like a mosquito bite. Why do they do it that way? Why aren’t they ready? How untidy! But alongside differences are similarities: we’re all human, we all eat and talk and yearn, and in these basic ways, we are all equal. So they have as much right to their choices of how to act as you do (axe murderers excepted), and, to use another “A” word, you should grant them autonomy in their conduct. And this is how you reach acceptance.”

The Importance of Sharing Your Truth in Relationships “You can avoid this kind of separation in your connections by first learning your truth. For some people that is clear, while for others it is a process that requires active inner work to find. Once you know it, you will need to find the proper time, language, and tone of voice to communicate that truth. You can just blurt it out without thinking about these things, but that is rarely successful.”

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This week, we wrote about why it’s important to relate to community as well as individuals. Here are some earlier posts where we talk about what we all can do.

Community in the Year of the Virus “We have been getting feedback from our readers on how much their sense of community has changed and grown in their present experiences. There is an appreciation for others growing out of the very fact of not being able to come together, at least not physically. People seem to have become so much more aware of the importance of relationships, near and far, and of the communities we are a part of.”

How to Make a Better World Through Your Relationships “We’re talking about the experience of being open to someone when you meet them, of seeing them as another human being; someone with dreams, desires, and needs just like you. It is a peaceful attitude that can be recognized, and the other person feels that much better for it. Even if there are differences, the other person feels that their position is going to be taken into account. If you don’t get a peaceful response, don’t respond in kind, but continue to look at what is motivating them. Not only your world, but the whole world is fractionally improved by your contribution. It may seem small, but it counts, just as every vote counts. Imagine what the world would be like if everybody acted in this way: world peace! Yes, we’re a long way off at the moment, but we are moving toward it, even if Ukraine and Gaza say otherwise. Hold this in mind when you interact with people. Be inspired, and be inspiring. Be a part of that goal.”

Promoting Peace: What Can You Do to Make a Difference? “I was talking with a dear friend the other day, and we started discussing peace and how much it is on our minds and hearts these days. We discussed the feeling of hopelessness that seems so prevalent and what to do about it. After recounting a few stories of her experiences searching for peace within her interactions, she said that in order to have peace you need to feel peaceful inside yourself and then find ways to share and spread that to each one of your relationships. We began looking at what we can do personally. I shared my appreciation of a project called I Declare World Peace, in which people create a short video with their personal declaration, and these videos from all over the world are available to view. Making such a video is very empowering. You stand up in front of the world and you declare peace. It is simple and it has a profound effect. It is my belief that by the very act of putting it out there, you bring change.”

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This week, we wrote about embracing acceptance and how to let go of annoyances in relationships. Here are a few of our previous blogs about this topic.

It’s Important to Know You Can Choose Peaceful Relationships “Peace is just a concept or a word to many people. It has not yet become an experience, a visceral reality. It has the element of fantasy to some, or something that is far off and distant to others. And it will remain so if you do not make it a part of how you live and conduct your deep relationships. Phil and I know that this is possible, and what we want to share is that there is a choice to be made. There is nothing wrong with feeling bad, but when you are consciously or unconsciously attracted and prone to dwelling in negativity, that is a choice. You can choose peace, you can create peace in your own life. There are many aspects to how, and those are the topics of our posts. The real deciding factor is to make the choice to move in that direction, realize you can, and keep choosing it each time you are confronted with a decision.”

How to Create Peace Instead of Conflict in Your Relationships “A close relationship is fundamentally different from others as it is built upon openness and honesty, both in sharing and accepting. This creates trust, which allows you to be more open, which creates more trust, and so on. You can set an intention and make a choice to imbue your relationships with these qualities. How do you carry this out? Applying awareness to the tone and timbre of your voice, your body language, making eye contact, expressing warmth and attentiveness, being patient, and listening actively – these create an atmosphere conducive to openness. It is vital to feel comfortable and free of all worries of being attacked, criticized, or any actions that will require defensiveness, closing down, protecting, or withholding. Those things cause separation and withdrawal from the connection and lead to the buildup of issues – the kind of issues that cause conflict and distance between people.”

Why Little Things Like Thank You are Important in Relationships “Our experience of the world is very much influenced by our choices. Take a look within and make decisions for yourself. Are you an agent of peace and harmony? Do you wish to be? Look at your communications, both verbal and non-verbal. What are the little things that you practice? Do you acknowledge and appreciate the people you are close to? Peace and a sense of harmony are visceral. You can spread these in each and every interaction you have; within each relationship there are many opportunities to make them a reality. The more we create peace and harmony and the more we experience them, the more we will be spreading that reality in the world.”