Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week, we wrote about how to embrace differences, not trip over them. Here are a few articles with thoughts on this topic.

How Can You Delight in the Differences in Your Relationships? “An important way to treat differences is to see their benefits. They bring diversity and broaden the possibilities available to you. They add to what you have, rather than taking away. They bring other ways to do things, see things, think about things. When you can relax and appreciate and enjoy those differences, you are expanding your view of what is possible and how to be in the world…”

Conflict in Relationships: Help Make Peace, Not War “As we grow into understanding ourselves—what triggers us and how we deal with our own difficulties—we make way for a more peaceful relationship. Think about this, there’s a fight, and instead of worrying about the next thing you are going to say to your partner, you think about how you got your feelings hurt.”

One Critical Rule to Having Peaceful Relationships “That brings us to the second element in this rule: the relationship agreement. Every relationship operates with some explicit and/or implicit agreements. In society, between people who live amongst each other, the relationship agreement consists of explicit laws and implicit cultural rules. In the workplace, the agreement consists of the codes of conduct and role expectations. In families or romantic relationships, sometimes there are explicit ground rules in addition to various implicit expectations. Understanding and adapting to how these rules and agreements, explicit or implicit, change across contexts is imperative for successful, healthy relationships. For peaceful relationships, in any context or dynamic, we must start with clarity about what is expected of each person to make sure everyone has agreed to and is willing to participate in the relationship under this agreement. We cannot expect others to read our minds or adhere to non-explicit or non-agreed-upon rules. If you believe some rules or expectations are implied, and the other individual(s) is not living up to those expectations, then perhaps you need to make the agreement more explicit. The clearer we are about what is expected of everyone, the better. And then, we all must agree to such expectations of our own will and volition. Once the rules are set and everyone has agreed, we cannot expect someone to behave above, beyond, or outside of that structure. We should not force, constrain, or judge others to be or do something other than what they have agreed to.”

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This week, we said that it’s important to know you can choose peaceful relationships. Here are some articles on different aspects of this choice.

Reality as a Social Construct “Just as socialization is mostly determined by the world and culture around us, our perception of the world is also influenced by external forces. Consider your own society, for example. A society describes a group of people who live in a defined geographical area, interact with one another, and share a common culture. How do you think your society was “constructed”? Who decided upon the appropriate social norms and behaviors that shape your reality and experience? Sociologists understand that reality is socially constructed, meaning that people shape their experiences through social interaction.”

The Secret to Peaceful Relationships “So here is the dilemma: We develop an expectation about someone else’s future behavior; then, if the expectation isn’t met, we experience an emotional reaction. The way out of this dilemma is to get in touch with one of life’s big questions, which is, “What do you really want?” Do you want to set yourself up to experience internal stress and bring struggle into your relationships – or do you want to feel a sense of internal – and interpersonal – ease and well-being?”

Cultivating peaceful relationships “…The above examples relate to peace as an end goal, as something to achieve. There is, however, another context for understanding the term peace. This context refers to a personal inner orientation that shapes our relationships and actions. Within such a context peace is experienced as the inner freedom to live and act in our world in accord with a value of nonviolence.”

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This week, we wrote about how your peaceful relationships are a shelter from the storm. These authors offer suggestions for how to maintain your internal equilibrium during tumultuous times.

Surviving Tough Times by Building Resilience “Lately, the world seems to be lurching from one crisis to another. We’ve experienced a global pandemic, dramatic changes to how we conduct our daily lives, economic uncertainty, and political and social turmoil, as well as an array of natural disasters. Then there are personal traumas that people are also dealing with, such as the loss of a loved one, declining health, unemployment, divorce, violent crime, or tragic accidents. For many us, this is a time of unprecedented struggle and upheaval. Whether the source of disruption in your life is a global emergency or a personal tragedy—or both—living through difficult times can take a heavy toll on your mood, health, and outlook. It can leave you feeling helpless and overwhelmed by stress and anxiety.”

Tumultuous Times: 5 Strategies for Kindness Toward Others and Ourselves “During these tumultuous times, many of us recognize the need to be kind to ourselves and others. Psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl, MD, is credited with inviting us to consider that in any situation we have the power to choose our response no matter how difficult the circumstance. The response we choose contributes to our potential for learning, growth, happiness, and making a positive difference in the world. What choices are you making to support yourself and others during these tumultuous times? Here are a few options to consider as you navigate your inner “politics” of self-care, kindness, and choices.”

Tumultuous Times, Compassion, and Self-Care “During these tumultuous times in the US and around the world, many of us feel personally assaulted and distressed by news events. Each day, media of all kinds demand our attention, shouting news and information to attend to, digest, and distill. How do we navigate our thoughts, choices, and responses? How do we pay attention to the news stories, discerning fact from fiction, steering our reactions, ideas, and opinions — while also maintaining our internal equilibrium? This article is not a commentary about the politics in the news, which comes at us relentlessly. Rather, it’s a blog post about navigating our own internal politics — the inner compass that helps us guide ourselves toward our true north during today’s difficult times and navigate our well-being in the process.”

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This week, we wrote about why being honest is so important in your relationships. Here are three authors explaining why that is so beneficial for you.

How to Share Your Feelings “…sharing connects us as humans and opens the door to receiving the love, support, and guidance we need to heal and thrive. Sharing your feelings helps to nurture the authenticity, trust, and open communication that are so important for healthy relationships.”

Why You Have to Share What You Really Feel and Want in Relationships “Relationships thrive in an environment of emotional safety, openness, and authenticity. This means that both people involved need to feel safe with each other, be safe for each other, and be willing to express themselves openly and authentically.”

Secrets to a Happier Relationship: How to Share Your Feelings With Your Partner “Communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship. You’ve probably heard this before, but we can’t say it enough. If you want to strengthen your relationship, then it’s important for both of you to feel safe and comfortable sharing what’s happening in your world. From the day-to-day thoughts and feelings to the big things like your hopes and dreams. Here’s why: Sharing your feelings with your partner is what deepens your connection and allows you to achieve greater intimacy.”

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This week, we wrote about what we have learned about peace and harmony through our relationship. Here are some other blogs we have written that expand on different aspects of having a peaceful, harmonious relationship.

Why You Benefit From Both Separation and Connection in Your Relationships “This is a perfect example of what we refer to as one of the cornerstones of harmonious peaceful relationships, the element of individuality within a relationship; the trick of remaining an individual while being in union. This same applies in various degrees to all relationships, often within families and even friendships. The more you know yourself, the easier it is to practice the respect and honoring of others’ individuality.”

Total Acceptance From the Heart is How You Create Peace in Your Relationship “But I don’t want to convey the message that a successful relationship requires a long apprenticeship, because what Maude and I have is an attitude, and I see no reason why it cannot be adopted by anyone at any age. It starts from the understanding that we are two completely separate individuals. My desires, pleasures, thoughts and worries are not hers, even though there is much overlap. It is where they don’t overlap that the differences stand out.”

What are the Characteristics that Create a Sense of Peace in Relationships? “When your relationship is peaceful and harmonious, you remain connected whether you are together or apart. There is never any sense of disconnection. With full acceptance (pretty much a prerequisite of a peaceful relationship), you never feel a need to leave in order to protect your individual identity. Neither does your partner, so disconnection never occurs, and the struggle of reconnecting is not necessary.”