Successful Relationships Reading Corner
In our blog this week, we wrote about why both comfort and novelty are important for all your relationships. This is a well researched area; here are some good takes on it.
Balancing Novelty And Comfort In Romantic Relationships “We expect a lot from our partners. On the one hand, we develop relationships based on love and romance. We yearn for attraction, excitement, a spark. On the other hand, when we’re forging lifelong partnerships, we also seek stability, reliability, and a predictable, comfortable status quo with a lot of emotional safety.”
Why Do We Seek Comfort in the Familiar? (also a podcast) “Okay, so now we’ll get to her question. She writes, “I’m squarely in my most productive years — I’m 39 — but I’ve noticed that whenever I feel particularly tired, I turn to the comfort of familiar things: the bands I love, the books and movies I’ve already read and seen, the poetry that I love, etc. I wonder if there is existing research that explains whether that is common and also whether the need to find comfort in the familiar increases with age, and conversely, whether the desire to try out new things requires both a positive outlook on life and the physical energy to do so.” So, let’s start there. Angie, what say you to that query?”
Seeking Novelty in Marriage? Don’t Forget Self-Expansion; 6 Things to Consider as You Shake Things Up “That lusty, unstoppable, boundless feeling of falling in love has a lot to do with novelty. It is no surprise that as we become familiar with one another novelty tapers off and perhaps some of that initial “effortless” love wanes as well. But what about self-expansion? Dr. Arthur Aron’s self-expansion model tells us two things; as humans we are forever motivated to expand and that we often achieve this expansion through our close relationships. Novelty in marriage (or any relationship) nourishes that desire for self-expansion. We feel better, confident, and more fulfilled in our relationships.”