Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote abut the importance of learning how to truly listen in your relationships. Here are some other writers with their takes on this under-discussed subject.
Deep Listening in Personal Relationships “For the most part, in all relationships there’s one person who speaks and one who listens. But is the listener really listening? Many people think they’re better listeners than studies show they actually are. The goal of deep listening is to acquire information, understand a person or a situation, and experience pleasure. Active listening is about making a conscious decision to hear what people are saying. It’s about being completely focused on others—their words and their messages—without being distracted.”
How Does Listening Affect Relationships “Have you ever talked to another person, and become so distracted by the quivering of their lips? I’m not talking, sad quivering, I’m talking, the quivering where you know they are dying! absolutely dying! to say something the moment you stop talking. Or they actually do, and start by giving you an answer when you weren’t asking a question. We all know that person, people, and at the end of those conversations, walk away feeling unheard and frustrated. Like the big thought bubble is completely empty because truly, there was no exchange of information. You were talking, but no one was really listening, and because no one was really listening, you disengaged. At every stage of development, there is a common thread, we are asked, ‘are you listening,’ told to ‘please listen,’ and demanded, ‘why aren’t you listening to me?’ The golden thread is listening, but no one truly defines what that means, or how to do it.”
How to be a good listener “Really listening to each other can be hard sometimes. Life places so many demands on us, and we always seem to have a million things competing for our attention, including technology, work, hobbies, friends and kids. Interestingly, really listening when we’re speaking with our partner can seem particularly difficult. Emotions run high because we care about them so much, and we tend to only half listen while we
formulate our response in our heads — often in the form of a rebuttal if the topic is difficult.”