Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote about how to embrace differences, not trip over them. Here are a few articles with thoughts on this topic.
How Can You Delight in the Differences in Your Relationships? “An important way to treat differences is to see their benefits. They bring diversity and broaden the possibilities available to you. They add to what you have, rather than taking away. They bring other ways to do things, see things, think about things. When you can relax and appreciate and enjoy those differences, you are expanding your view of what is possible and how to be in the world…”
Conflict in Relationships: Help Make Peace, Not War “As we grow into understanding ourselves—what triggers us and how we deal with our own difficulties—we make way for a more peaceful relationship. Think about this, there’s a fight, and instead of worrying about the next thing you are going to say to your partner, you think about how you got your feelings hurt.”
One Critical Rule to Having Peaceful Relationships “That brings us to the second element in this rule: the relationship agreement. Every relationship operates with some explicit and/or implicit agreements. In society, between people who live amongst each other, the relationship agreement consists of explicit laws and implicit cultural rules. In the workplace, the agreement consists of the codes of conduct and role expectations. In families or romantic relationships, sometimes there are explicit ground rules in addition to various implicit expectations. Understanding and adapting to how these rules and agreements, explicit or implicit, change across contexts is imperative for successful, healthy relationships. For peaceful relationships, in any context or dynamic, we must start with clarity about what is expected of each person to make sure everyone has agreed to and is willing to participate in the relationship under this agreement. We cannot expect others to read our minds or adhere to non-explicit or non-agreed-upon rules. If you believe some rules or expectations are implied, and the other individual(s) is not living up to those expectations, then perhaps you need to make the agreement more explicit. The clearer we are about what is expected of everyone, the better. And then, we all must agree to such expectations of our own will and volition. Once the rules are set and everyone has agreed, we cannot expect someone to behave above, beyond, or outside of that structure. We should not force, constrain, or judge others to be or do something other than what they have agreed to.”