Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we asked what is it that makes for an easy relationship? Here are three other articles that describe different aspects of this.
The One Simple Switch That Transforms Every Relationship You Have “This story led me to think about a switch that can change the very nature of a relationship. It requires one very simple thing: shift your attention from yourself to the other person. This may sound more complicated to you than it is. If you have decided to pursue peaceful relationships, then this will not be difficult. You have already made the choice to be aware of how you are interacting and to find methods that take you forth on a path toward peace. Paying attention and being aware of the other person is part of that path. You can best do that by switching your focus to them. This is transformational and has many immediate benefits. When you shift your awareness and attention to another, they sense it. It is a palpable difference. It calls forth a similar response in the other person. It brings both of you into the present, and in that present is the interaction between the two of you; not what is about to happen or what just happened, but rather what the two of you are sharing with each other. There lies the richness of connection and the ability to hear and be heard, to see and be seen.”
Why Being in Continuous Connection is Vital for Peaceful Relationships “We have said before that this happens because we are on the same side, and these words offer a vivid image, but how does that actually happen? It comes from our sense of connection, and this is very much a sense; something that I do not question any more than I question the fact that I am sitting here typing. This sense of connection has great power. Firstly, it has this strange property that we are both drawing from the same well; we have always been able to make our own choices and path through life mesh. By now, we understand that this is always the case. Or to be more woo-woo about it, there is an us, neither me nor Maude, that we become aware of by setting our egos aside. After all, what else could the connection between us, the mid-point, be, except that? By both of us tapping into that, we can proceed together through life.”
The Secret to Agreement is Creating Something Neither of You Imagined “When you’re making plans or looking for solutions, how do you come to agreement? You need to find something that works for you and works for the other person, too, or maybe even people, because this is something that comes up not just between couples, but with neighbors, in meetings, everywhere. This takes a certain mindset, which is that there are similarities as well as differences, and it is by looking within the similarities that you will be able to find a mutual solution. Now obviously you can’t see that solution now, and you can’t imagine what it could be. The route there is to look at what you want and why you want it, and to describe that to the other party. By looking at the why and describing it, you create the conditions for finding something else that satisfies it. Perhaps you’ll think of it, or perhaps the other person will suggest something; either way, a new possibility enters the room. When both of you do this, meandering over the territory and paying attention to where the other person is at as well as exploring what is important for you, you will converge on a mutual solution. It may take a considerable time. That’s OK.”