Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote about how balance and peace are intertwined in your relationships. Here are some other articles that discuss various aspects of balance.
Why is Balance Important in Your Relationships? “To get past this definition of balance as trying to juggle a fair division of obligations, think about the nature of fairness. It comes about because you care about the other person, and caring arises from empathy, the ability to imagine yourself in their position. Fairness is saying that the other person is your equal, and deserves as much as you. This, of course, only works when both people hold this belief. Looked at in this way, balance is not about equality, it is about being in harmony with another, about recognizing that you are partners working together, not competitors. This is the source of balance in your relationships.”
Why is Balance Important for Peaceful Relationships? “We often talk about successful relationships in terms of the peace they bring. We have been discussing this extraordinary experience of peace within our relationship and wondering what goes into making it so. We are not the same and act very differently in many areas. Yet, in terms of our choices, decisions and solutions, both on a superficial as well as a more meaningful level, they match so frequently as to cause us to ask, what are we doing, what is going on? In examining this mutual resonance, I realized that there is a deep similarity in what we are both attracted to, what we value. We both naturally seek balance. This is not done consciously, but rather in response to an inner pull. This is not keeping score or counting up who does what and trying to keep it all even. Rather, there is a sense of balance in how we each act and feel and relate. There is an equilibrium from which our choices emerge, and so, the unlikely becomes reality, and we frequently find ourselves easily on the same page. We do, of course, have areas where we start out at two different places. When this occurs, we can apply Our Process to find solutions, points of agreement and mutual satisfaction. More often than not though, the attraction toward balance pulls us toward peace in our exchanges without the need to search for agreement. We find ourselves choosing very similar solutions often because they are the ones that come from this place within each of us. There is a sense of fairness, of justice, of equality, of rightness in balance. It is a place of respect, of gentleness, of kindness.”
The Balance Between Self-Reflection and Connection in Relationships “Phil and I often write about how important it is to your relationships to get to know yourself and the truths that reflect who you are right now. We have emphasized the need for self-reflection so that you can make appropriate choices that represent your values, rather than just reacting from conditioning or outdated behavior. We support taking time to listen inside, and to become attuned to which of the thoughts and feelings that pass through you are the ones you want to express and act upon. Seeking self-knowledge and becoming overly self-involved are not the same thing. The first creates an opportunity for increased conscious connection, and the second reduces it considerably. Many who embark on the path of self-realization lose themselves in the seeking and in the self. Balance is that important ingredient. Anything done to the extreme becomes an impediment rather than an element of growth. As you come to know yourself better, and you find ease and calm within, you do not need to be as busy with yourself, and can be more available for relating to others. You move into the present with increased awareness. When you are coming from a place of balance between involvement with yourself and connection to another, there is much more room to make contact. This is, of course, never a finished process. So, as you traverse it, remember to seek balance and watch out for any isolating patterns.”