Why is Balance Important in Your Relationships?

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PHIL: Balance in a relationship can mean many different things. The most literal is strict equality, where each person cooks half the meals, pays half the bills, and takes their turn mowing the lawn. But usually, people have different skills and different preferences, so it ends up that one person does the laundry and the other does yard work. That raises the question of how different activities are rated: is an hour of cleaning toilets the same as an hour of walking the dog?

These approaches can have an adversarial element to them where it feels like the other person is trying to get away with doing as little as possible. It becomes not balance, but a tug-of-war. Once unbalanced, it is hard to recover, and even when you do, there is a constant assessment of contributions because you cannot fully trust the other person.

To get past this definition of balance as trying to juggle a fair division of obligations, think about the nature of fairness. It comes about because you care about the other person, and caring arises from empathy, the ability to imagine yourself in their position. Fairness is saying that the other person is your equal, and deserves as much as you. This, of course, only works when both people hold this belief.

Looked at in this way, balance is not about equality, it is about being in harmony with another, about recognizing that you are partners working together, not competitors. This is the source of balance in your relationships.Balance is not about equality, it is about being in harmony with another #quote #relationships Click To Tweet

MAUDE: Balance is an ingredient between us that seems to be one of those quiet little things that we don’t really notice, and often take for granted. Yet, when looked at, it is an element which seems to play a big role in the peace that we experience within our relationship.

There is a sense of balance that permeates our exchanges. In examining this mutual resonance, it becomes apparent that there is a deep similarity in what we are both attracted to. We both naturally seek balance. This is not done consciously, but rather in response to an inner pull.

It is not gleaned from measuring, keeping score, or counting up who does what and trying to keep it all even. Rather, it is a sense of what we value and how we each act and feel and relate. There is an equilibrium from which our choices emerge. We approach each other with the same level of awareness and presence with each other.

There seems to be a natural commitment toward fairness; a pull toward justice, equality, and of rightness in balance. It is a place of respect, of gentleness, of kindness. There is also a sense of a balance of sharing with each other; of sharing ourselves, our thoughts, feelings and desires.

Balance stems from a sense of empathy and connection to the other person; it is an expression of the intention toward peace and the recognition that balance is integral to harmony. It is something that you move toward with your inner being and not as part of a thought process.

This is important in all close relationships. This way of moving toward one another and being with one another is what engenders both peace and harmony. These are the qualities we should safeguard when relating to one another.

Photo credit: Maude Mayes
Photo note: Kids balancing on sculpture

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