Why Is Sharing So Important In Your Relationships?
Podcast: Download
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS
MAUDE: Sharing is an important component of harmonious relating. I was talking to a good friend the other day on the phone, and I experienced a feeling of true closeness and warmth. We shared, really shared, ourselves with each other. In this exchange, I could sense the desire she had to hear and understand what I was feeling and thinking, what life challenges I was facing, and what was bringing me joy. She was also willing to share the same about herself with me.
Sometimes we get so busy with the doings of life that we miss the opportunity to let another person know how important they are to us. And yet, this simple act is so meaningful to each of us. The feeling that another person is interested in you and values you and they take the time to communicate that to you, not only through words but also by actions, is deeply meaningful.
This engenders a quality of openness. When you can be open it creates a special possibility for connection, especially when that openness is returned in kind. When you share yourself and feel heard and seen, it adds depth and breadth to the relationship.
This kind of sharing requires trust, a trust that can only build up over time and with experience. When there is a sense of safety between people stemming from the knowledge that each wants the best for the other, and that there is a willingness to share, a peacefulness enters the center of that relationship.When you can be open it creates a special possibility for connection Click To Tweet
PHIL: So what can I add about sharing? It is not just about material things like a car, a slice of cheesecake, or a bank account, and not just about experiences like watching “Succession”, visiting New York, or taking a walk together. The deepest form of sharing is where you share yourself, because when you feel seen and heard, that is where you feel most connected to another person, and a sense of connection is a human need, see the series “Alone” and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
There are several things that help, and by being aware of them, you will have a better chance of deep sharing.
It needs trust in the other person; trust that you will not be ridiculed or attacked. It takes time and experience to feel that you can open up to someone else.
It needs someone who can hear you and who is able to respond to feelings. Not everybody can do that. I once worked with a therapist who was uncomfortable with letting a session progress beyond the verbal.
And it needs you to be honest, to drop all pretense, and be as clear as possible about the situation, whether it be the state of your heart or the state of your bank balance. That may just be the starting point. The back and forth of an honest conversation allows you to dive deeper and use both your introspection and an outside perspective to obtain deeper clarity than you can achieve alone.
An undefended exchange can at times lead to an extraordinary sense of shared understanding. This is how to achieve the sense of connection we all need.
Photo credit: Phil Mayes
Photo note: Interspecies sharing
Read what some other writers have to say on this topic.
Get our free weekly newsletter about how to have a harmonious relationship.
This topic opens the deepest parts of self to the trusted receiver . AND by sharing one’s whole self, it allows the source to see and feel even more of one’s self. Somehow this deep sharing is a vehicle to expand into deeper understanding, I know that when I am sharing an experience or a point of view, the actual act of sharing it expands my own sense of understanding of myself. Thank you for this perspective that I now see even more than I saw before!
It is a way to contemplate self and our place in the universe, and because we are part of the universe and connected to it, we can at times glimpse beyond our personal identity.
I am slowly reviving the art of letter writing. This, to me, is sharing on another level. I’ve had friends reply, by email, that they were pleasantly surprised, and shocked, because someone had taken the time to write a letter. Our world is too fast-paced, sometimes, for my taste. And so whenever I feel the compulsion to unhook from the Information Superhighway, I walk to my box with the lovely writing paper and envelopes, and take an old fashioned ink pen to hand — then I understand sharing from a more personal point of view. That, and I love the feel of the flow of the ink onto paper. POSTSCRIPT: I have letters from dear friends who have since walked on. Hand-written every single one. They are my heart’s treasures.
Writing forces me to clarify my ideas and reveals weaknesses in my arguments that I overlook when they are free-floating thoughts. Then there is stream-of-consciousness writing, where the words appear in my head and I put them down with no idea of the direction. Morning pages did that for me. And I agree that ink on paper is an important part of that writing.
I appreciate these insights on sharing. Listening truly is an art and practicing it helps to build trust. This is my goal.
Esther
Creating trust is a beautiful way to share! And often trust is created by sharing.
love this
Maude
Dear Maude and Phil
Thank you so very much for sharing from your heart, always.
To feel more balanced and connected, we need to be open to share our outer and inner life. It allows us to connect and show how much we have to give and to love and be loved.
An open share attitude helps us to love our families, our neighbors and to embrace the whole of humanity. We all would be more peaceful and caring if we did this.
Blessed by God if we would be so caring and sharing to see God is here, in everyone. Then sharing would become easier.
Thank you for all your loving kindness,
with much love
Roswitha