Successful Relationships Reading Corner

booksIn this week’s blog we wrote about how you fix a needy relationship. These articles cover various aspects of that, including from the partner’s point of view.

How to Become Whole in a Relationship “A solid relationship is two whole (or at least, fairly whole) people coming together because they love each other’s company. They’re not coming together because they need someone to love them all the time, because they need someone’s company all the time, because they need to be shown that they’re loved. If one person is whole but the other person is needy, dependent, insecure … the whole person will do the best that he or she can to help the other, but over the long run will feel weary of all the neediness and insecurity, and will feel resentment.”

How to Overcome Neediness “As ill-defined as the experience of neediness seems to be, psychologists have made great strides in unpacking this complex state of mind. One line of research, which emerged from an attempt to better understand depression, sheds a good deal of light on what makes neediness so incredibly painful. Defining neediness, rather inelegantly, as “a generalized, undifferentiated dependence on others and feelings of helplessness and fears of desertion and abandonment, “ the investigators discovered that it has an important relationship to depression.”

How Neediness and Emotional Insecurity Destroy Relationships “Feeling insecure in a relationship is horrible for the one who is feeling the insecurity. The burden – of fear and obsessive thoughts, of feeling powerless, of awful awareness that all this insecurity may actually itself be destroying what you treasure most – can feel pretty unbearable. But it’s also tough for the person on the receiving end of all that insecurity. The truth is that being involved with a really insecure person can be hell.”

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