How to Think Differently About Your Relationships
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In the last months, as we have written and shared how we and others are coping with these tumultuous times, something has become very clear. We get a strong response of agreement, empathy and understanding whenever we share personally about grief, anger or loss. When we speak of struggling most people identify; these are things people can relate to and it often helps them to know that others have similar experiences, and what they are doing to handle these issues.
This is gratifying and we are happy that our blogs have offered comfort to many of you. At the same time, this presents a true conundrum for us. The reason we write our books and blogs is to share a state of being that is unfortunately quite rare; one that not so many people are aware of or can relate to from what they know. We are driven to share this information just because it is so important yet unfamiliar to so many.
We write and talk about a new way of being in relationships. Like the grief and challenges we have recently shared, this is also based on our personal experience. What we write here to share with all of you is that peaceful loving relationships are not only possible but actually exist and that you can have them if you are willing to travel to unknown places and can be open to change.
Unlike identifying with known struggles, this calls for a different type of response. When entering this new terrain, it is necessary to apply intention and belief in the place of past and present difficulties if you are to replace those experiences with new ones.
So this is an invitation and also a challenge. Yes, we can all identify with hardship, and we find comfort in sharing this with others and hearing how they work their way through it. We invite you to listen and hear our call to a new way of relating that is not based on conflict.
Peaceful loving relationships are not only possible but actually exist #relationships Share on XWe hope you will take a leap of faith with us and learn how you too can practice a different and deeply rewarding way of relating.
- Learn how to find mutuality in decision making and problem solving.
- Experience the peace and passion of total acceptance.
- Practice honoring the uniqueness of every personality.
- Examine your core values and find those that form the foundation of your life.
To enter this new terrain, you first have to believe it exists, and then have to want to reside there. Belief and intention are the only steps you need for this journey. It does not have to be a long and arduous trek; instead, it can be a reframing of how you understand your relationship with your partner.
We invite you to come along on this journey with us. We believe that this is a way not only to improve your life and your relationships but a way to change the world one relationship at a time.
Photo credit: Andy Samarasena
Very nice. After reading the first paragraph, I had to look away and ponder what bothered me so much about this type of agreeableness. When I looked back, I saw that you see through this as well. Incredibly gratifying…but, how funny, turns out it might all be the same anyway. Not sure whether to laugh, cry, or just go sit quietly and be silent.
xoxo
Gail Brenner:
Hi Phil and Maude!
I especially like this blog, thank you! It inspires just those people who think they can’t have the kind of relationship you have. And I love that we start by getting clear on our own core values – because only then can we find them in others.
Dear Gail,
Thank you so much. This was exactly our intent in writing this blog. Hopefully, it will enable some to step outside their comfort zone and not only relate to others sharing the struggling but also try out a different way. And as you so aptly point out, it starts with us getting to know ourselves!
be well
Maude
“To enter this new terrain, you first have to believe it exists, and then have to want to reside there.” Thank you for this way of expressing it! You’ve funneled the whole ball of wax into one sentence. Our world’s current situation offers me, and all of us, a deep and rich opportunity to keep an open mind about how to change, and to accept that whatever worked in the past will not work going forward.
Thank you Kate! We appreciate how you are applying our statement to the current situation
be well
Maude
I Feel compelled to ask you if you also get a strong response that’s equally in agreement, empathy & understanding to sharings of joy, personal gains and comfort? The sharing of others I’ve read in your blogs fills me with great affirmation in how they’ve overcome negative challenges. I hope I’m not too far off your message of couple harmony. 🙂
As a general rule, people are much more open to resonate with others who are also struggling and have similar difficult experiences. Yes, we too are happy with the sharings and how they have helped all of us. Our message is not one of couples’ harmony. What we wrote and write about can be applied to all intimate relationships. We are sharing this information from our direct experience and that is from a partnership relationship. “So this is an invitation and also a challenge. Yes, we can all identify with hardship, and we find comfort in sharing this with others and hearing how they work their way through it. We invite you to listen and hear our call to a new way of relating that is not based on conflict.”
be well
Maude
Jane Jacobs
Dear Maude and Phil,
I found the post this week to be especially
beautiful.
Thank You for saying whats needed in beautiful and eloquent ways.
Jane
Yes, your blogs do whet my appetite to find like minds and hearts to buddy up with and walk alongside of…I do not find time for the struggles that polarizing relationships present , so I often just move on. I think the most profound concept you have offered is around shared values. With the “shared values” platform my heart is more open to proceed forward and embrace “relationship”. However, while walking thru my life solo I am always reminded of the value of peace and insist that that is the main goal of each day. Your words and columns are always an incentive to stay open to peaceful and supportive energies!
Dear Iris,
Thank you so much for your feedback. We appreciate that you go right to the heart of what we are communicating. The value of peace – precisely! And you have hit on the most critical area for honoring individuality, and that is matching fundamental core values. We will be writing to that area next week.
thank you again
Maude