Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week, we wrote about how trust grows and supports non-interference in your relationship. These writers examine aspects of trust in great detail.

What to Do if You Don’t Trust Each Other “One of the hardest things about trusting someone is learning to have confidence in your own judgment. Trust is about much more than finding signs that your partner has been unfaithful. It’s about believing that they have your best interests at heart. Every person is born with the propensity to trust others but through life experiences, you may have become less trusting as a form of self-protection. Falling in love and getting married can be invigorating and scary all at once. An inability to trust a new partner may take several forms, from feeling they’re dishonest or secretive, to doubting they’re going to keep their promises or be dependable.”

10 Ways To Build Trust in a Relationship “Trust: You cannot have a healthy relationship without it. And yet, virtually all of us can bring to mind a scenario where our trust has been broken. But how do we develop trust in the first place? Can trust that’s been broken be rebuilt? This article explores how to build trust in a variety of relationships, including practical tips and activities that build trust.”

How to Build Trust in a Relationship “To trust means to rely on another person because you feel safe with them and have confidence that they will not hurt or violate you. Trust is the foundation of relationships because it allows you to be vulnerable and open up to the person without having to defensively protect yourself.”

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This week, we wrote about how to greet the differences in your relationships as blessings. Here are some authors writing about different aspects of this way of approaching people.

The Blessing of Differences in Relationships “Even with such depth of love in their relationship, Isaiah and John-Nuri have big differences. They have used these differences to fuel their relationship, to bring about more depth, and to find the common place of passion in their work together. People sometimes use their differences as an excuse for their lack of closeness. And yet these differences can be a great blessing, and almost force a couple to go to a deeper place where the differences do not exist.”

Multicultural Relationship Advice: Embrace & Celebrate Your Differences! ” If your core values and interests are aligned, if you have respect for one another, and if you demonstrate kindness and compassion toward one another every day, you can create a beautiful life together despite differences. Think of virtually stitching together a colorful patchwork quilt that will represent your multicultural and multinational ideas, experiences and memories.”

Celebrate Your Differences “By seeing your differences as strengths in the relationship and utilizing them to their full potentials, you create synergy within your marriage. When each of you acts with the other in mind by contributing in unique ways, you are improving the overall functioning of the marriage. This makes both of you happier and ensures an effective method for maintaining a successful relationship in the future.”

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This week, we wrote about why sitting on your hurt feelings only makes it worse. Here are some suggestions on what to do to avoid such problems.

Transactional Analysis Theory and Practice “Psychological trading stamps are the currency of transactional ‘rackets’. Escalated feelings of anger, hurt, guilty, scared, inadequacy constitute ‘stamps’; so do feeling stupid, baffled, surprised, righteous or triumphant. Psychological trading stamps are generated by sexualising a racket feeling. Given here is Berne’s list of observations concerning Psychological Trading Stamps in the Hello Book.”

How to Complain to Your Partner “The following might meet the definition of ‘fighting fair rules’ that are often asked of me as a therapist, but I think of them as suggestions for making fighting ‘satisfying’.”

How to Communicate When Something Bothers You “‘Communication is key.’ – Everyone ever, in every book, movie, and real-life situation. That piece of advice is constantly reiterated so why do we have such a hard time communicating about our problems? Why do we bottle things in rather than hash it out? Why do we hate confrontation so much that we would rather stay upset inside and play pretend that everything’s cool?”

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This week, we wrote about the way we use special occasions to take a longer view of our relationship and the larger themes in our lives. Here are some posts with suggestions on how to do this.

Making These Resolutions Can Improve a Relationship “To help improve intimacy and romance with your partner in the new year, here are four key strategies to consider, according to relationship experts.”

23 Of The Best Relationship Goals To Nurture Intimacy “Have you ever considered creating real relationship goals to protect and enhance your love with your spouse or partner? Ask anyone who is married or in a committed relationship what their number one priority is, and the majority of people will say, “My partner/spouse.” But as important as our love relationships are to our health and happiness, it is curious how little time we spend taking care of them.”

15 New Year’s Resolutions Couples Can Make As a Team! “Resolutions are great because they gives you a chance to clear your mind, reflect on what’s important to you, and move in a positive direction, provide concrete goals that can give you focus and stability, and show others that you are striving towards your dreams. You can’t imagine the number of people that will be positively impacted!”

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This week, we said that every relationship has shared stories at its heart. We found some interesting articles discussing this; some suggest that writing is a powerful way to find your story.

How to Use Writing to Radically Improve Your Relationships “According to Stephen Covey, author of ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’, the reason why most relationships fail is because we focus on changing our superficial behaviors and attitudes before addressing the way we perceive the relationship itself. We tackle the leaves of the problem instead of touching the roots.”

How Storytelling Can Help a Troubled Marriage “In a loving relationship, we can reevaluate our own stories and create new ones. Couples who feel most connected and hopeful together are those who can tell a story of their relationship—what therapists call a “we story”—that emphasizes loving elements such as empathy, respect, pleasure, and acceptance. The question is how do people do it? What is involved from moving toward a shared narrative that can serve as an inspirational vision of their relationship, even while going through a rough patch?”

Why Your ‘Love Story’ Could Make or Break Your Relationship “We all swoon over a good love story. We are inspired by movies and novels that highlight love’s powerful ability to overcome all obstacles. We cry at weddings. We enjoy telling people how we met our significant other. And let’s face it, we’re captivated by the beginnings of love. But, what about after the beginning? Do you see your relationship as a story—the whole of it, from the start until now—as an ongoing narrative that makes you both ever-developing characters?”