Reading Corner

We are happy to announce that the results of the survey of the best blog posts of 2015 are in and we want to share them with you. It was fascinating to find out what you all thought were the most helpful posts and we so appreciate you taking the time to reread and to give us your feedback. We want our blog posts to offer the most to the reader, so this information is really helpful. Here are the three winners. Click on the links to read the full articles.

1. How to Reach Agreement Without Compromise
   The very principle behind compromise suggests that it is necessary to give something up in order to get something else, so loss or defeat is an intrinsic aspect of the process. There is nothing wrong with this approach, but it is very different from ours. We do not use compromise for making decisions and reaching agreement. Instead, we have found a process by which neither of us winds up giving anything up. Neither does one of us wind up getting “their way”, as it were.
2. How to be Successful in Your Relationship: Good Communication
   Another very critical aspect of successful relationships, especially long term relationships, is to develop and maintain deep and ongoing communication.
3. How to Avoid Power Struggles in Your Relationship
   The issue of power, of who has it and how it is exercised, doesn’t play a part for us, and there is a very good reason. Our relationship is based on a foundation of celebrating and honoring the uniqueness of each of the partners. This practice obviates the need for any one-upmanship. Each partner is complete as they are.

In this week’s blog article we write about How to be Separate Individuals with a Successful Relationship. Here are some articles that also speak to this topic.

Relationship Success: Balancing Togetherness and Individuality “A client of mine — during our initial consultation — said the following: “Here’s my issue. When I’m in a relationship, I invest so much of myself into maintaining romance and intimacy that I forget who I am as an individual. How can I balance my personal identity with my identity as a couple?”

Boundaries in Relationships “When two people come together, each with a clear definition of her or his own individuality, the potential for intimacy and commitment can be astounding. The similarities between two people may bring them together, but their differences contribute to the growth, excitement and mystery of their relationship.”

Individuality “A healthy relationship supports each partner’s growth and development as an individual…. treat individuality as a vital part of relating. Far from being a threat to closeness, honoring individuality allows relationships to be rich and full.”

10 Scientifically Proven Ways To Be A Good Spouse The author offers her wedding vows and the reasons behind them: 1. “I promise to respect, admire, and appreciate you for who you are, as well as for the person you wish to become.” 2. “I promise to support and protect your freedom; because although our lives are intertwined, your choices are still yours alone.”

In our blog article on How to be Successful in Your Relationship: Good Communication, we emphasize the importance of talking with your partner. Here are some articles that also speak to this topic.

What is intimacy and why is it so important? “To be able to share our ‘inner-world’ with a partner we love, and to be able to share our partner’s experiences, is one of the most rewarding aspects of a relationship.”

The Importance of Communication in Relationships “Incomplete or stopped communication can create a block in the relationship. The degree of the block can vary with the severity or repeating of the communication stop. A block in the relationship exists or will grow when communication is just flat out avoided.”

The Importance of Clear Communication in a Relationship “Everyday we think of things that may concern us and it’s so important to be able to communicate that to our mates or partners clearly. Many relationships are destroyed because one or the other cannot clearly communicate.”

In our blog article on How to Avoid Loss of Intimacy, we emphasize prioritizing spending time together. Here are some articles that also speak to this topic.

Spend Time with your Partner for Relationship Success “Research has shown that one of the major reasons that relationships fail is due to lack of time spent together…. Every time you and your partner spend some time together you are shoring up the relationship against the times that you will hit a bump.”

Make time for your partner “According to a study by the Creighton Center for Marriage and Family, time is one of three problematic issues for couples in the first five years of marriage… Building “couple’s time” into your schedule can result in huge changes in how happy you are in your relationship.”

The importance of couples spending quality time together “As resentment and disconnect infiltrate marriages, feelings of loneliness emerge and couples perceive that they have suffered a great loss — their best friend,”

Time Together “I’m convinced that the single biggest contributor to the breakdown in relationships today is the fact that couples aren’t spending enough time together…. Everything else seems more important – careers, children, hobbies, community involvement, and personal pursuits. And when relationships aren’t attended to as they should be, trouble sets in.”

This week’s blog article was on How to Reach Agreement Without Compromise. Although we have a very different viewpoint than many of the people who write to this topic, here are some articles that are in consonance with our message.

Compromise: Is there an Alternative? “It all starts with the notion that what I perceive to be “true” is both real and complete – as if I had the smallest chance of knowing all there is to know about life”

Never Compromise: 3 Steps to Synergy in Your Relationship “When you compromise, you are giving up what feels important to you and this doesn’t always foster a sense of connection and cooperation in your relationship…. Writer and teacher Stephen Covey talks about the power of synergy…. Synergy, according to Covey, is all about being open to creating a solution that is even better than what either you or I propose. It is not about deciding whether “your way” or “my way” is best and then cobbling out some compromise in the middle. It is all about really hearing one another and creating a third way”

TO COMPROMISE OR NOT TO COMPROMISE: How to build sustainable relationships “Many popular psychologists, such as Dr. Phil, preach that compromise is the key to resolving relationship conflict and essential to building sustainable relationships. They view compromise as a “win-win” solution where both people get some of what they want. However, counsellors who hold this perspective tend to act more like arbiters than counsellors, pressing people to compromise regardless of the psychological issues that fuel people’s conflicts in the first place.”