Reading Corner

This week’s blog is on the paradox of intimacy and separateness in a relationship. Here are some interesting writings on this topic.

The Paradox of Intimacy in a Healthy Marriage “To many of us, the struggle for intimacy may seem just as paradoxical. Most of us want to be intimate, to feel emotionally connected with another. At the same time, we want to be independent and self-sufficient. This conflict and tension is at the core of what it means to be human.”

How to balance intimacy and autonomy in your relationship “A common relationship difficulty for couples is managing the balance between their need for connection versus their need for autonomy. Partners want to be both attached to their mate as well as detached for self-identity. How well partners succeed in honoring each other’s needs for togetherness vs. separateness greatly impacts their individual and relationship satisfaction.”

Closeness and Separateness “There are two basic human needs that feature in intimate relationships: the need for belonging and connectedness and the need for individual freedom and separateness. Sometimes we seem to have to sacrifice one for the sake of the other. Yet in a relationship that thrives both needs can be fulfilled.”

This week’s blog is on the need for total acceptance in a successful relationship. Here’s a variety of viewpoints on this topic.

Acceptance: The Foundation of Lasting Relationships “Relating is simply about acceptance of the other and commitment to that person above all else, including what we want. Acceptance is recognizing the other person for who he or she is and being attentive to the circumstances of the relationship moment by moment.”

Acceptance: The Key to a Happy Marriage “Acceptance also takes maturity. It is the mature person who grasps that just because someone is different, that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with them.”

It is what it is…. 3 Ways to learn Total Acceptance “Learning to practice acceptance can drastically improve our outlook on our current state of affairs. And not just any old acceptance, but TOTAL ACCEPTANCE.”

This week’s blog is on how to communicate in your relationship and getting to know yourself. Here are some articles discussing this topic.

We’ve linked to this first article before, but it is so to the point that we’re including it again.
9 Steps to Better Communication Today “The most popular myth about communication in relationships is that since you talk to your partner, you’re automatically communicating. While talking to your partner is indeed a form of communication, if it’s primarily about everyday, “surfacey” topics (“How were the kids?” “How was work?” “How’s your mother?”), you’re not really communicating about the important stuff. This article is primarily about how to talk in a more open and rewarding manner with your significant other.”

Healthy Relationships “Open, honest communication should be part of every healthy relationship. Use the guidelines below to open up the channels of communication between you and your partner”

8 Tips For Communicating Better in Relationships “All of us who have relationships have struggled with communication. It comes in friendships, family relationships, romantic relationships, and work relationships, to name the main ones. But each of these relationships are in our lives so we can learn how to be better communicators, and thus not only express ourselves effectively but learn how to meet others’ needs and get our needs met as well.”

This week’s blog is on maintaining flexibility within your relationship. Here are some articles discussing this topic.

Improving Couples’ Attachment Security, Intimacy, Stability and Satisfaction “I believe the primary objective in couple therapy is to help couples improve the stability and satisfaction in their relationship and learn to stay flexible, not rigid. It’s important for couples to maintain a context of intimacy and engagement that allows them to experience a sense of trust and security in which they can be ‘safely vulnerable.'”

How to be Flexible in a Relationship “A lot of us have been conditioned to think that once we find the person who we believe is perfect for us, then the hard work is over. Everything should be smooth sailing from that point on. After all, if they are perfect for us, shouldn’t everything just fall into place? But that couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, once you find the partner you are ready to commit to, that’s when the real work begins. And any healthy relationship will require a certain amount of flexibility from each partner.”

Relationship Tips for a Happy Marriage Part 92: Be Flexible “Would you describe yourself as a flexible person? Flexibility in marriage means being open to each other’s plans and ideas, and being willing to go beyond the comfort zone where necessary. It also means getting over the idea that your desires are the most important consideration in the relationship and responding to the needs and desires of the other party.”

This week’s blog is on belief and intention within relationships. Here are some articles of interest on this topic.

3 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Enter A Relationship “Recently, I did something radical; I entered into a relationship with the intention of extending love. I consciously set the goal of peace.”

How to Attract Peaceful & Nurturing Relationships “I used to think relationships had to always be hard. Full of strife, jealousy and distrust. Subject to harsh words, crossing the line, anger and resentment. And I found myself in relationship after relationship, whether friendship or romantic, that only confirmed this…. Eventually, I just couldn’t take it anymore… I wanted peace. I wanted understanding. I wanted my relationships to feel calm, nurturing and, most of all, respectful.”

Why Are Intention and Belief Important in Relationships? This is an earlier post by us (Phil and Maude) on the same subject. “You have to believe that a peaceful non-conflictual relationship is possible before you are likely to experience it…. Once you have the belief that such a form of relating is possible, you have to make it your intention to have this in your relationship.”