Reading Corner

In this week’s blog we wrote about how to stay present in a crisis and in your relationship. These posts offer some ideas about this.

5 Steps for Being Present “So, how do we stay present? The first thing to recognize is that, try as we might, we really can only do one thing at a time, so we ought to do that thing wholeheartedly. Most of our time is spent in the past or the future, rather than the present moment. What we end up doing is passing through that moment on the way to somewhere else and, in doing so, we miss the moment. That’s how life ends up passing us by – we do it to ourselves.”

6 Simple Ways To Be More Present In Your Relationships “Life can pass by at a dizzying pace. If we aren’t conscious of being present, we can miss a lot in the moment. Mindfulness dictates we do the opposite. By being present, we see opportunity. Mindfulness also allows us to enjoy sacred moments with our loved ones, and results in less stress and more rejuvenation.”

How to Foster Better Relationships Just by Being Present “Getting present requires a certain level of self-awareness. It is about putting aside your own thoughts, worries, fears, and insecurities and genuinely taking an interest in what that person is saying. When you press pause—physically and mentally—and hold a space for a person to express themselves fully, that person feels valued, heard, seen, and loved. And that’s all any of us ever really want. So how can we bring more presence to our relationships?”

In this week’s blog we wrote about celebrating the differences in your relationship. This week’s link cover various aspects of that.

How Differences With Your Spouse Can Make Your Marriage Stronger “When I first met Gail, I was attracted to her precisely because she was different. Sadly, after a few years, these same differences started to annoy me. In fact, I began to think that my approach to life was right and hers wrong.”

Differences “People say that “opposites attract.” We can be captivated by finding in others what seems foreign. An introvert may be attracted to the outreaching energy of an extrovert – who, in turn, may be fascinated by the inner focus of the introvert. Similarly, a dreamer and a practical person – or an intellectual and an emotional type – may be drawn to one another. Yet often the very differences that are initially attractive end up being a big source of conflict.”

Celebrating our differences “Nations, tribes, cities, villages, churches, and families have often learned the hard way that the manner in which we deal with our differences determines the quality the peace, prosperity, and progress of life in community. This is especially true of the intimate relationship of marriage.”

In this week’s blog we asked whether you can avoid drama in your relationship. We found many different approaches to this question, so we have more links than usual this week. Hope you enjoy them!

7 Crucial Steps to Minimize Drama in Your Life “For a long time, I lamented all the damaging relationships I’d been in, as if I was some kind of victim who always got the short end of the stick. Then one day I realized there was a reason I always found myself in dramatic relationships: I was attracted to drama like a moth to a flame.”

How To Avoid Drama In Your Relationship “We talk a lot about “drama” when it comes to relationships and how to avoid it. Drama – in this case, unnecessary or manufactured conflict – is frequently the boogieman of dating; … But we rarely ever stop to think that we might be the ones causing drama.”

Drama “One way to look at drama in relationships is with a model called the Karpman Drama Triangle. The model has three ‘triangle roles’ –Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor–and by implication, one ‘non-triangling role, the ‘adult’.”

Deeper Dating: Passion Without The Drama “Many of us have wasted years in relationships whose hallmarks were conflict and drama…. As we get older, however, melodrama becomes increasingly less acceptable, and compatibility and kindness begin to look more and more desirable. But this doesn’t mean the end of adventure. We can have and enjoy the deep thrills of romantic love and the comfort of stability at the same time.”

Breaking the Addiction to Drama in Your Relationships “What we often dismiss as “drama” is actually unprocessed pain. If you or your love seem to have an addiction to drama, this is your chance to get clean.”

In this week’s blog we wrote about the process we use to make decisions, solve problems and create mutual solutions. Other articles covering aspects of that:

Effective Listening “Here are a few rules to start the process: Never interrupt when the other person is speaking. Allow the speaker to complete his or her thought. Eliminate distractions – put your book down or turn off the television. Maintain eye contact while the other person is speaking. Pull your chair closer and lean toward the speaker. Keep your posture open – directly face your partner and leave your arms and legs uncrossed. Give verbal and nonverbal responses to what the speaker is saying – “yes, I see,” nod your head, smile, or frown when it’s appropriate.”

5 Keys To Active Listening For Couples “What follows are five keys to active listening for couples. Some of these tips may seem obvious while others will require you to pause and think. Read them all so that you can more fully absorb their deeper meaning. When you are done, reflect upon some of your past conversations with your mate and identify the areas that need improvement.”

OUR CONFLICT-FREE RELATIONSHIP “Early in our relationship, we began to notice that we hadn’t had an argument in over a year. We both had enough age and experience to find this unusual, so we started to examine the factors made our relating so peaceful and devoid of anger and recrimination. First we made a list of what wasn’t causing the lack of conflict:
* It wasn’t avoidance. We both have a strong sense of self that does not accept self-effacement or a sense of being manipulated.
* It wasn’t the initial euphoria of the honeymoon phase. That had worn off.
* It wasn’t just that we had luckily stumbled on a peaceful year. Living without conflict was different in its essence from even occasional conflict.”

This week’s blog covers our anniversary trip during which we wrote independently, only to discover we both covered the themes of total acceptance, being present and making time for each other. As these are core themes of successful relationships, this week we’re linking to blogs we’ve written about these topics.

What is Sacred Space in a Relationship? “One of the keys to experiencing the kind of intimacy that unites a couple is spending time in your sacred space together. In the early stages of your relationship there were times when you came together and exulted in the sheer pleasure of being with the other person. We call this a sacred space. What do we mean?”

You Need Total Acceptance For a Successful Relationship “Have you felt completely accepted by someone in your life? Do you know how the experience of full acceptance changes you? Many people do not have any frame of reference to understand these questions. The relationships in their life have taught them to be defended and withholding. They are always on the look out to fend off criticism and correction. That is why we feel it is so important to share and discuss what total acceptance can bring into a relationship, and what it looks and feels like.”

The Power of Being Present Within a Relationship “When you are not filled with projections of how things should or could be, not filled with thoughts of the past or the future, then you wind up occupying the present. This act of being present brings many marvels with it. It leads to new and exciting experiences. It imbues shared experiences with a quality of creativity and co-creativity. Presence is a matter of the degree to which you are focused on the events in front of you. Being present is responding to what is actually happening, rather than reacting according to your previous experiences or future concerns. When in presence, you are not busy trying to create a specific future outcome.”