Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote that acceptance involves listening to more than the words in your relationships. Acceptance is a crucial part of relationships, and we’ve often written about it. Here are some of our posts.
How to Transform Your Relationship by Reaching Total Acceptance “The road that leads to truly peaceful relationships starts with becoming open and honest about yourself to yourself. The more you know who you are and accept yourself with all your foibles and strengths, the more you will be able to bring that to your relationships. Openness and honesty with others create a feedback loop that encourages the same kind of behavior from those you share this way of being with. It is self-reinforcing, as well as calming and reassuring. The sense that a person is sharing openly with you and is unafraid to disclose who they are is a powerful message to enter that relationship without fear. This engenders a feeling of trust. There is a sense of ever-growing relaxation, as well as a sense of growing closeness to these kinds of connections. When you can trust who you are with someone, and know that you do not have to be defended or on alert, it creates a deep and profound sense of peace. Over time, as you learn that the words are also carried over into actions, trust builds.”
Embracing Acceptance: How to Let Go of Annoyances in Relationships “So let’s assume that you wish to have peaceful relationships, where your exchanges support and stimulate each other. You may not achieve this all the time, but that is your basic intent. Then, it is worthwhile to examine and realize that you have a choice. The path toward picking a meaningful response is to be thoughtful rather than reactive. In another post on this issue, we suggested stopping and asking yourself, “What is important here?”. When I find myself ready to react with a snarky tone of voice or a provocative retort, I like to think about what is of meaning and value to me. Just venting doesn’t do anything for me, it usually makes me feel worse. And as Phil suggested, I’ll only have to go back and fix it later. This is a good opportunity for me to reflect upon what the value is for me in the exchange, and what is going on inside me that leads me to react so differently. So many challenging conversations can be turned into loving interactions by going for the value rather than the flash reaction. That kind of response usually serves no purpose other than to disturb the peace. I’m not talking about “keeping the peace at all costs”, but rather being peaceful within, as well as in my interactions”
How It’s Possible to Practice Acceptance in Your Relationships “This way of being, like many others, gets easier and smoother with practice. It brings with it an intense sense of relaxation and ease. The more you are unquestioningly accepted for who and how you are, the more freedom you have to be yourself. This exhibits itself most distinctly with those with whom you share living space, but it applies to all relationships, particularly the deep and intimate ones. It is best when a feeling of safety as well as ease is created through the way you relate. I want to include one other very important factor. Joy. It is an exquisite pleasure to be with people with whom you can share this way of being together. It feels so right and so natural. We long for the day when this practice spreads from the few to the many, and we can see that kinship between us all becomes a living reality.”