A recent study asked people to sit down and make a list of what was most important to them in their life, the things that contributed to their quality of life, and then to write down what activities they did in their day and how many hours spent on each. Most people were shocked by the disparities they found. We strongly recommend this exercise for getting in touch with the difference between what is of meaning to you and how much time you actually give it.
You may be surprised to see that what’s important to you is out of balance with how much time you spend doing it. In fact, you will often be spending the large majority of time doing things that do not really reflect what is of value to you.
Most of you will put your relationship at or near the top of your ‘what’s important’ list. Yet are you prioritizing it? Does your time spent show how important this is to you? Are many of the things that increase your life quality being neglected to take care of all the big and small things that need tending?
So our question for you this week is that if it is important to spend quality time with your mate (or with your friends if you’re not in a partnership), do you make it happen?
We all know how busy life can be. Get the kids off to school, get an oil change, arrange a doctor’s appointment, empty the dishwasher, get to work; at the end of the day, you are so physically and mentally exhausted, all you can do is zombie in front of the television, or read, or check Facebook, or whatever it is you do to relax.
Demands of everyday life drown your relationship? Make a sacred space to maintain your union #quote Click To TweetSo it may need planning and intention to make time to connect. Let us be clear; this is not about arranging who does the shopping or how to juggle the bills or what to plant in the garden. It is about making a space where the outside world does not intrude, where you can enjoy the company of your partner.
Here’s where you can make some changes that will make your lives look more like how you want them to be. Make a conscious choice to protect your time together. In past blogs, we have referred to this as a sacred space, and it does indeed need to be treated that way. If you view your time together as sacred, you will be more likely to protect it and make sure it doesn’t get shoved aside in the overloaded, overcrowded busyness of everyday life.
This time is NOT for solving problems. Of course, either of you may bring in feelings about the events of life, but that’s okay; there’s a difference between sharing the feelings and solving the problem. Sharing the feelings is an intimate act, an exposure of the self. And that is the nature of this sacred space; it is a place where each person can come and share themselves, be completely open. The sense of seeing and of being seen weakens the ego boundary and allows consciousness to take flight. And that’s even before sex is involved.
Putting This Into Practice
A great place to start is to actually create a time to come together. Put the emphasis on fun and new adventure. Be sure both of you understand this is not some big heavy talk! To the contrary, this is a time for playfulness. You want to acknowledge to each other your desire to be with each other, spend different quality time with each other and protect that time with a plan so that it won’t get pushed aside by life.
Use scheduling if necessary in the beginning to make sure this happens regularly. We are referring to more than the occasional date night some couples have, although that is a great way to share your enjoyment of each other. We mean something that happens as an ongoing part of your day to day life, if not every day (or night), then at least several times a week. This may seem impossible to achieve when you first set about it, but you will find that as you continue to do it, it gets easier and easier, and that after a while, you don’t know how you ever did without it!
Creating Sacred Space
- Agree That You Want to Do This
Remember, this is not a chore. This is a playful way to come together and acknowledge your love for each other and your desire to be together more often.
- Make a Schedule of Regular Get Togethers
Figure out a time and space where you can be alone and enjoy each other during these sessions. Make sure it occurs often. It is a good idea to make it at around the same time each time, especially when first creating the pattern.
- Discuss What You Might Do
Find out what feels good to both of you to do during this time. Listen to each other and make a plan that incorporates both partners needs and desires.
- Have Fun
This is a chance to really experience your union and to revel in your partner and the two of you being consciously together. Don’t think that because you know your partner well, there is nothing new to hold and entertain you. People are like fractals, where there’s always more, or like waves, where two are never the same.
Your relationship can be the underpinning that supports you with so many of life’s difficulties. Feed it and make it a source of strength and joy. And finally, it is an opportunity to explore yourself, to come closer to knowing who you are.