Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with

In this week’s blog we looked at the importance of respect in your relationship. Many people think this is even more important than communication. Here are some articles on this topic.

The Importance Of Tone “Several weeks ago, I was editing together some video footage for a home movie and was surprised to discover how irritated, negative, and just plain mean I sounded when talking to my wife. I remember most of the interactions that were filmed but not any of the feelings I was quite clearly projecting.”

Relationships and the Importance of Respect “Relationship advice is everywhere and you often hear that the key is communicate – communicate – communicate… You will hear the importance of making clear agreements, having good boundaries and of course the importance of love. Respect however is often mentioned in passing and yet respect is paramount in successful happy relationships, romantic or otherwise.”

Why Is Respect Important In a Relationship? “Love and respect can never be separated in a relationship, especially in a romantic one. It is true that we can respect someone and not really love him, but we can never love anyone without also respecting them.”

Tagged with:

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with

This week, we discussed how you can improve your relationships by thinking and acting positively. Here is a collection of ideas for how to bring the positive into your relationships.

10 Ways to Perk Up Your Relationship “Positivity has a way of shifting our perspective: While negative emotions shut us down, positive emotions open us up. They help us “broaden and build,” argues Barbara Fredrickson, a psychologist at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and author of Positivity. Positive emotions actually spur big-picture thinking, yielding benefits like keener peripheral vision and increased creativity—not to mention better relationships.”

Practices for Bringing the Positive Into Your Relationship “Relationship experts such as Pat Love, John Gottman, Harville Hendrix and many others are currently stressing the importance of bringing the positive into your relationship. This may sound simple, but in practice it is not an easy thing to do, because when it comes right down to it, our brains can be very set in their patterns of negativity.We lean towards negativity to get our needs met because we have been socialized and genetically wired for survival. We have fear from our childhood that our needs will not be met and we may not survive. These feelings of fear and our natural “fight or flight” response comes from the older part of the brain (the brain stem and the limbic system). Positive feelings, and the ability to respond versus react, involve a more evolved part of the brain (the neo-cortex) which requires a completely different set of strategies and practices.We are using our “old brain” when we cry, demand, shame, blame, criticize, withhold, or ignore, in an effort to be heard, feel loved, see change, etc. However, if we want our partner to change WE have to change too.”

7 Ways to Put Life Back into Your Relationship “When you’re discussing your relationship, highlight the good stuff and minimize the bad. You’ll feel better, and so will your partner. I used to tell all my girlfriends about all the wrong my partner was doing and found that the more I looked for the bad, the more it showed up. But when I focused on the good things about him and why I still loved him, it made me appreciate him that much more. Now, this doesn’t mean that you don’t deal with pressing issues or forget the problems at hand; it just means that you change the conversation to one that’s empowering to the relationship. Let go of your anger and annoyance about small things that irritate you. It won’t be easy, but every moment you hold on to poisonous feelings is another moment that will steal your chance to be happy with the person you love.”

Tagged with:

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments

This week, we asked if you want to improve your relationships and said you have to work on yourself first. Many people get caught up in looking at the other person they are relating to, and argue and criticize the differences they find. To move past that and bring harmony and peace to your relationships, it’s important to get to know and feel comfortable with yourself. Here are some other authors on this topic.

How to Develop Self-Love and Why This Will Strengthen Your Relationship “Of course it helps to be entering a relationship with a strong feeling of self-love. But I also think that if you are in a partnership where self-love is lacking, and the space between you is needy, irritating, and harmful, things can be turned around. Learning self-love is an ongoing process. It’s not a switch you can just flick on. Even couples who have a healthy amount of self-love could have more.”

How Self-Awareness Helps Relationships Become Stronger, and Ultimately, Last “When a seasoned divorce attorney and author of a best-selling relationship advice book was asked the key to a healthy relationship, he told an inquiring journalist, “If you want to keep your love alive, you have to be attentive to all the little things that go wrong along the way, and constantly course-correct.” That attentiveness to all the little things that go wrong and ability to course-correct is the product of relational self-awareness.”

7 Simple Ways You Can Become a Better Partner “Romantic relationships are dynamic. They continuously change, reflecting circumstances, stresses, and the everyday ups and downs experienced by both partners. What happens to “me” and to “you” ultimately affects “us.” The healthiest relationships have partners who routinely (if subconsciously) check in with themselves, their partner, and their relationship to see how things are going and to make changes as necessary.”

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with ,

This week we wrote about why you don’t need to suffer and struggle in your relationships. Here are some writers on how to live a different way.

5 Ways You Know It’s True Love (Love vs. Infatuation) “True love entails being comfortable and completely yourself with another human being – and being accepted for who you are without judgment. It is also important to remember, in this case, that love is a two-way street. Not only do you need to feel loved and accepted completely for who you are, but in order to foster true love in your relationship, you need to provide that same love without judgment to your partner.”

How to Know it’s Real Love ““I can’t live,” wails the singer, “if living is without you.” It sounds so tragically deep to say that losing your lover’s affections would make life unlivable—but have you ever been in a relationship with someone whose survival truly seemed to depend on your love? Someone who sat around waiting for you to make life bearable, who threatened to commit suicide if you ever broke up? Or have you found yourself on the grasping side of the equation, needing your partner the way you need oxygen? The emotion that fuels this kind of relationship isn’t love; it’s desperation. It can feel romantic at first, but over time it invariably fails to meet either partner’s needs.”

True Love Means Living In Peace And Stability “True love brings harmony. We can all agree that finding an emotionally mature person is not an easy task. Finding “the one” is never easy. This is a person who will love you unconditionally and will not cheat on you but will instead make you feel secure and confident about everything. But understand something – true love is not for the indecisive. No good relationship can be built out of instability. You have to have stability and genuineness that comes from within to find true love. You cannot lie to yourself and expect that the relationship you have found based on that lie will go anywhere. Relationships get complicated, and finding a perfect balance is often a struggle. But in the end, you have to figure out what you want in your life and what you don’t want in order to build a good relationship.”

Tagged with: ,

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating No Comments Tagged with , ,

In our post this week, we wrote about how you can choose to have a better relationship. These writers offer some insights into this important subject.

Be the Change You Wish to See in Your Relationship “If you want your partner to change, start by accepting them for who they are. In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman says, “People can change only if they feel that they are basically liked and accepted the way they are. When people feel criticized, disliked, and unappreciated they are unable to change. Instead, they feel under siege and dig in to protect themselves.””

Transform Your Relationship by Assuming the Best Intentions “I used to think he was out to get me. The man of my dreams was continually plotting to undermine my happiness in countless ways, all for some mysterious reason I couldn’t comprehend.”

How to Stop Fighting and Feel Close Again “Every one of us brings a lot to the table that contributes to the degree of conflict we experience with a partner, including our early attachment patterns, psychological defenses, and critical inner voices about ourselves and others. That is why the key to getting along with our partner is rarely as simple as it sounds. However, the good news is we have a lot of power when it comes to making things better.”

Tagged with: , ,