Reading Corner

This week’s blog is on peace in your relationship and the world. Here are some articles on peaceful relationships.

The Secret to Peaceful Relationships “There was a time when it was very easy for me to be disappointed by other people. I can’t tell you how many times I would feel angry or let down when someone failed to do what I wanted them to do or what they agreed they would do. I would sometimes be filled with strong, uncomfortable feelings in these situations.”

10 Ways to Have Peaceful, Loving Relationships “If you’ve ever gotten in a fight only to find yourself wondering what you were really upset about, this post may help you. If you’ve ever been disappointed because someone didn’t meet your expectations, this post may help you, too. Feel walked on and unheard? You guessed it—there’s likely something in here that will help you change that.”

5 Rules for Relationship Peace “the tension that actually led to the fight itself almost always related to the deeper issues of whether the partners felt understood or valued…. So it is the nature and degree of interaction between the partners that determines how they get along. Too little interaction, or too imposing interaction, and things heat up. Both of these relationship mistakes have one thing in common. They lack mindfulness and presence.”

This week’s blog is on 5 ways to stop arguments in your relationship. Here are some further articles about this.

How to Stop Arguing “Every couple–no matter how well they communicate in a relationship–has times where they disagree. At the same time, this doesn’t have to turn into a fight! How to stop arguing is one of the biggest relaitonship problems many marriages face. Luckily, you can learn to stop fighting by mastering key communication skills. ”

How to Stop Arguing and Actually Solve Your Relationship Problems “When you first get upset or angry with your significant other, there are almost always two problems: your emotions and the actual problem. For example, say you’re frustrated with your partner for not doing the dishes. You now have two problems to solve: the dishes need to be done and you need to no longer be upset with your partner for not doing them.”

5 Ways to Stop an Argument in Less Than a Minute “The trouble with arguments is that they don’t work. I’m not talking about a good debate, where you have some great ideas, and they clash, and you start a healthy back-and-forth that feels fun. I mean arguments – where tension starts to rise, responses start to get personal, and you go around in circles without getting anywhere.”

This week’s blog asks if you’ve drifted apart, and shares ways to reconnect with your partner. Here are some more writings on that subject.

9 Easy Ways To Reconnect In Your Relationship “Lots of the couples I see have locked horns about an issue and have been in a standoff for too long. Ultimately being right just isn’t important. What matters is what you want for your future.”

9 New Ways to Deepen Your Relationship Bond “Happy relationships shouldn’t be hard work! That’s one of the upbeat findings from my landmark study of marriage, which has been following 373 married couples since 1986.”

Drifting Apart and How to Reconnect ““We’re drifting apart,” Sara said during our first meeting. Her husband, Daniel, agreed. They got along well enough, but lived more like roommates than a married couple.”

This week’s blog is about why you have to believe in a conflict-free relationship to have one. Here are some writings on how belief affects your reality.

What You Believe Is What You See “When things aren’t going well in a relationship, we often blame the other person for our experience. We believe that we “choose” the wrong people to hang-out with or date. But guess what? If an experience shows-up time and time again, that means you are carrying it with you! And this is where the power is, because you have control over you.”

You See What You Believe “An interesting question is the degree to which your beliefs influence what you are seeing in the moment. This question was explored by Christos Bechlivanidis and David Lagnado in a fascinating paper in the August, 2013 issue of Psychological Science.”

Do Your Beliefs Reflect Reality or Create It? “it should be obvious that you’re capable of interacting with the world through direct action. If you make a decision to do something and then do it, your thoughts are affecting reality through your actions.”

This week’s blog is about being present in your relationship. Here are some writings on that subject.

Are You Fully Present in Your Relationship or Marriage? “You know that feeling you get when you’re talking to your partner or spouse and they don’t seem to be “there there?” By that, I mean, a part of them is somewhere else, and it’s not with you. You might wonder where their mind is, or feel insulted or hurt that they’re not being fully present in your company.”

The Art of Now: Six Steps to Living in the Moment “Mindfulness boosts your awareness of how you interpret and react to what’s happening in your mind. It increases the gap between emotional impulse and action, allowing you to do what Buddhists call recognizing the spark before the flame. Focusing on the present reboots your mind so you can respond thoughtfully rather than automatically. Instead of lashing out in anger, backing down in fear, or mindlessly indulging a passing craving, you get the opportunity to say to yourself, ‘This is the emotion I’m feeling. How should I respond?'”

The Importance of Staying Present in a Relationship “In this way, we create a shared environment of presence. Even if your partner is not as present, you can create this space. Often if one person does it, the other will follow. But we must remember to cultivate this space even in the absence of conflict. This means we do our best to stay present, and invite our partner to share in it with openness and non-judgment.”

Relationship Resolution 4: Be Present “As a marriage therapist, I am often asked what are the problems that drive couples to my office. One of the most common and, in my view, saddest is when couples describe their relationship as being more like roommates than spouses. They frequently describe their life together as one of parallel existence with limited meaningful interaction, let alone any real intimacy.”