Successful Relationships Reading Corner
Our blog discussed the need to accept each other and look for values without projections. We found some really interesting articles looking at your internal sense of self and how you often project that onto others.
The Tension Between Inner and Outer Self “The tension between the inner self and outer self is common in the modern world. Each of us is tugged in multiple directions every day and our actions and behaviors do not always align with our core values as a result. However, becoming aware of your inner self and how it balances with your outer self is the foundation for good mental, physical, and spiritual health. This is why it is an important aspect to consider when working on a good balance in your life.”
Projecting an “Idealized Other” “For better or for worse, most of us carry some kind of “romantic ideal partner” in our heads. This is the basic shape of the partner we wish to have, a perfect fit for all our needs and wants, the mold into which we then try to fit any human partners we acquire. Sometimes we do a reasonable job of adjusting our expectations down from that idealized, “perfect version” to fit the actual human we wake up to in the mornings, but sometimes we can’t let go of the ideals enough to fit ourselves in with this other imperfect human being.”
You have to stop projecting in your relationships “Do you see your partner as they are? Or do you build them up to be someone that they aren’t? Many of us fall victim to projection, a toxic habit which isolates us and drives our partners away. Rather than seeing the other person as they are, we insist on seeing them as we want them to be. This leads to endless disappointments and a number of frustrations that can be corrosive to our sense of self and self-esteem. Strong relationships aren’t those in which we change ourselves to fit the dreams of other people. They are those in which both partners are able to see one another as they really are, without judgement and without expectation of change.”