Dearest Phil,
Looking at the issue of “never being in a hurry’ has been really profound for me. I have been looking at how this can apply to our modern day lives. I think that a key aspect of never being in a hurry is Presence.
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Dear Maude:
It was after zooming through Trader Joe’s that you asked “What would life be like if we were never in a hurry?”
That was a very illuminating question for me. It brought up images of summer holidays, of a vacation after five days when I feel myself sinking into it, far more open to the events of the day than the two days of a weekend can provide.
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Maude: Being with You as You Are and Celebrating That
Dear Phil,
We don’t seem to be busy with or involved in wanting our partner to be anything other than who and what they are. If you can actually be with another person, without wanting them to change, or being busy in any way to alter them, then amazing things become possible.
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Dear Maude,
I wrote about “knowing what your own goals are”, and you wrote “you need to have spent time learning about yourself”, so we’re both acknowledging the importance that knowing yourself has in a successful relationship.
The better you know yourself, the easier it is to pick a suitable partner.
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In order to accept another person for who they are and how they act, it is important to feel secure in who you are yourself. I think to be in a successful relationship, you need to have spent time learning about yourself and be willing to go on with that learning.
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Acceptance of the other means letting them do their own thing (pardon my 60’s).
If we see them as less skilled or capable than us, the temptation is to chide them or correct them, but these are parental responses. Even offering help can be an implied criticism of their capabilities.
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In preparing to write an article to the topic of Acceptance, we have been thinking and talking together about the components of this very critical aspect of conflict free relationships. I keep thinking that one of the places that people get caught up, is in the area of understanding that there really are two separate persons involved in a relationship.
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Over the course of our relationship, we have recorded sessions analyzing what makes our relationship so successful, so peaceful, so conflict-free. We have blogged, written articles, published a book, and sought different ways to communicate that peace is possible within a relationship.
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Want to have a better relationship? Get a Good Night’s Sleep!
That’s the conclusion of two UC Berkely psychologists who followed over 100 couples for nearly 2 years.
“Even among relatively good sleepers, a poor night of sleep was associated with more conflict with their romantic partner the next day,” one of the researchers said.
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Excerpt from “Secrets of a Successful Relationship Revealed” pgs. 18 – 19
“I’d like to try to break down some of the qualities that seem so important to how we are with each other.
One factor that seems critical is not only accepting the other person for who they are, but also celebrating with joy who they are, feeling a deep abiding affection and respect for the other.
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With this book
you too can have a relationship without conflict.
Check out some of our interviews with Michael and Jacqueline, Lynelle Paulick on KCSB, Gail Brenner and Bill Weil.
