Core Values and The Spectrum of Acceptance
Along with a discussion of core values, it is important to talk about The Spectrum of Acceptance. When we talk about successful relationships, we describe actions and values as lying along a spectrum. At one end of this spectrum are your deal breakers; areas of meaning and value that you consider to be core to your life. These can be areas like honesty, fidelity, responsibility, they vary for each person, but we all have these core values.
The more you have come to know yourself, the clearer you will be on what these are. There are also primary areas of your world view, like religion and philosophy, political and economic alignment, child-rearing issues, your relation to the community at large; all these are also basic values that are probably deal breakers for most of us.
It is important to assess whether you and your perspective partner mesh and are aligned, and to allow time to experience if their words match their actions. Do not be too hasty in your assessment of these areas. However, once you have made a determination, if there are true breaches with your inner compass, this is a relationship that will not work. Get out before you get in too deeply.
If after these evaluations, you are planning to move forward with a relationship, then the other two areas of The spectrum of Acceptance become important.
But that is for another day, and another blog!