Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

By Posted on Posted in Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with ,

In this week’s blog, we asked if you show love and respect in your relationship. These articles cover different aspects of this very important aspect.

The Importance Of Tone “Several weeks ago, I was editing together some video footage for a home movie and was surprised to discover how irritated, negative, and just plain mean I sounded when talking to my wife. I remember most of the interactions that were filmed but not any of the feelings I was quite clearly projecting.”

It’s not what you said, it really is how you said it, new study finds “There’s an old phrase that couples often use when something one partner says spawns an argument — ‘it’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.’ Though some may just see the phrase as an excuse, there may be some truth to it as far as marital success is concerned.”

Why ‘It’s Not What You Say, But How You Say It’ May Be the Best Relationship Advice “‘It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.’ I know my husband and I have uttered this cliché phrase in multiple exchanges, and it’s become the one thing in our marriage that we strive to work on the most. Here’s why: When the content of what’s being said isn’t offensive, but the way it’s spoken is hurtful, it’s easy for an offhand comment to turn malignant. And that’s a problem.”

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By Posted on Posted in Our Process, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating Tagged with ,

This week, we wrote about how to find a mutual solution in your relationships with our process. Here are some writers on how to avoid and deal with conflict in your relationships.

Conflict Resolution in Relationships & Couples: 5 Strategies “Conflicting goals, motives, and needs can cause stress in any relationship, particularly a romantic one. While conflict is not uncommon, if left unresolved along with related stress, it can damage the bonds that form between people (Overall & McNulty, 2017). If we accept that all partners will disagree at times, we must also recognize that it is crucial to find a resolution to ensure that the relationship’s health is maintained (Grieger, 2015).”

7 Tips for Handling Conflict In Your Relationship “Disagreements happen in all relationships, but what matters is how they are dealt with. The way you deal with an issue with your partner can determine if your relationship is healthy or unhealthy, so here are some tips to keep in mind that will help you handle your next argument in a healthy way.”

Conflict Resolution Mistakes to Avoid “Because conflict is virtually inevitable in relationships (and not necessarily a sign of trouble), you can reduce a significant amount of stress and strengthen your relationships at the same time if you build the knowledge and skills to handle conflict in a healthy way.? Here are some examples of negative and even destructive attitudes and communication patterns that can exacerbate conflict in a relationship.”

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By Posted on Posted in Peace, Presence, Reading, Relationships, Successful Relating

This week, we wrote on what we learned about relationships on a trip we recently took. We centered on flexibility an being present, and here are some post on those topics.

People With Iron-Clad Platonic and Romantic Relationships Share This One Trait “Psychological flexibility (also known as “emotional flexibility” and “mindful flexibility”) refers to being mindful and present when faced with an interpersonal conflict or stressful situation. It encompasses having a tool kit of life skills to help you manage any points of tension that may arise. And, according to licensed marriage and family counselor, Melissa Divaris Thompson, LMFT, psychological flexibility allows you to see things from a bigger and broader perspective, even when relationships become challenging.”

7 Tips for Practicing Presence in Your Relationship “What does presence mean in a relationship, and why does it matter so much? I will sometimes hear a client lament that their partner does not feel “present” in the relationship. This feeling of lack, so acutely felt by one person, can be a complete mystery to their partner. I’ll have someone tell me in session, “My partner says I’m not present in our relationship… I have no idea what they mean.””

The Beginner’s Guide to Being Present “As your physical self moves throughout your day, does your emotional self keep up? Do your thoughts accompany you from task to task, or does your mind drift and wander, making it challenging to pay attention to conversations or recall what you were just doing? Your body can physically inhabit a space when your mind is elsewhere. This tuning out might happen more often when you feel bored, stressed, or otherwise preoccupied. Being present (or living mindfully, whatever you want to call it) simply means you’re focused and engaged in the here and now, not distracted or mentally absent.”

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This week, we said you should choose total acceptance: it’s a radical way to peace and harmony. Here are some other authors who are writing on the benefits of total acceptance.

The 5 Radical Steps I Took To Save My Troubled Relationship “‘Andrea, just love him.’ These were the surprising, profound words a wise friend had for me when I called to consult her after having a particularly bad fight with my boyfriend (now husband), Sanjay. I suddenly realized the mistake I’d been making my entire life. I had been perpetuating the turmoil in our relationship by continuing to focus on Sanjay’s shortcomings and the challenges in our relationship.”

Total Acceptance: The Path of Genuine Transformation “Total Acceptance is such a powerful practice that its regular utilization in everyday life can profoundly and irreversibly transform our individual reality. What is Total Acceptance? It’s a state of the complete openness to any experience. It means to fully embrace all arising impressions, without a slightest inner resistance.”

Radical Acceptance: Definition, Skills, & Exercises “In this article, we will talk about what allows us to keep pain from transforming into suffering and helps us see reality as it is: radical acceptance. Radical acceptance is accepting what is not under your control and embracing what is happening now in a non-judgmental way. When you wholeheartedly and radically accept emotional or physical pain, it can reduce the suffering they cause.”

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This week, we wrote about how acceptance is the best path to a peaceful relationship. We were delighted to find a number of articles describing and expanding on this idea.

Developing Acceptance Skills in a Relationship “Couples seeking counseling services often ask for help with their communication skills. I redirect them to begin developing acceptance skills in relationships. What nurtures and sustains loving intimate relationships is learning to relate through acceptance instead of judgment. The underlying fear that there is not enough ” _______” for me is what drives the judging, shaming, blaming and criticizing in order to try to change the self or the other so that there is more “_______” for me. This approach chases love away instead of enhancing it.”

How to Practice Radical Acceptance and Improve Your Well-being “You know what they say, sometimes you can’t solve certain problems? Don’t worry, you still have options. In fact, you have exactly four options. You can:

  • Solve the problem anyway,
  • Change your perception of it,
  • Radically accept the situation, or
  • Choose to stay miserable.”

5 Things Everyone Should Know About Acceptance “The first person to pose the idea of “acceptance” to me was my first therapist. We were discussing my relationship with my dad (cliché, I know), and she suggested I “accept” that I might never have the relationship with him I desired. I was appalled. ‘Excuse me? You’re my therapist. Aren’t you supposed to have the answers to how I can fix this?’ As I got older, I began to understand why desiring something else—something that was, for the most part, out of my control—was causing me more pain than accepting that, at least for now, this was the way it was going to be.”

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