Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week, we asked how are you committed to behaving in your relationships? How are some blogs on positive behaviors in your relationships.

5 ways to create happy, harmonious relationships “In almost all of our long-term relationships (whether with partners, friends, family members or colleagues), our feelings can wax and wane. Even when we are deeply connected to another person, we can lose touch momentarily and when we’re not paying attention, greater divides can appear. Our brain’s negativity bias makes it easier to pay attention to the things that aren’t right in a relationship so we need to work harder to notice the positives. A psychologist friend of mine once suggested that the single factor that defines a good relationship from one that’s less likely to last the distance is the ability we have to turn toward one another when things are difficult.”

Harmony in a Relationship Does Not Require Agreement “Because we think of harmony as an agreement between two people, we spend our energy trying to agree on some version of what’s true. We fight until we determine a shared reality. Undoubtedly, agreeing with another person’s version of the truth, their ideas, values, and belief systems, certainly makes things easier in a relationship. But in fact, deep and lasting emotional, mental, and spiritual harmony requires something other than just agreeing on a shared experience. Harmony in a relationship means understanding; we don’t need to agree to be in harmony, but we do need to be willing to understand another person’s experience and actually hear their truth.”

How to Create Harmony in Relationships and Peace Within by Challenging Your Assumptions “Frustrated with colleagues? Disappointed by your partner? Annoyed with your mother? Or maybe you’re pleased with everyone in your life at the moment – in which case, congrats! Wherever you’re on the topic of relationships today, I welcome you to just take a moment to let any concerns fall away and just appreciate all that’s going right with the relationships in your life, all the harmony that’s already there. Sometimes we forget to really acknowledge ourselves for all the fun, connection, and flow we’ve already allowed into our lives and how beautiful that is.”

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This week, we wrote about why you need a balance of being and doing in your relationships. Although we haven’t found any articles looking at this issue the way we did, they do discuss ways you can practice this.

Doing vs Being: The Importance of “Being” in a World Dominated by “Doing” “When we go about our lives, we are all constantly in one of two modes: “doing” or “being”. Doing mode is when we are living in our heads, thinking about the present, the future, and the past, making plans, and completing tasks. Being mode is when we are living in the moment, experiencing things directly. Both forms of mental state are necessary at different times; however, modern cultural values dictate that doing is more important that being. Therefore, most of us spend too much time in doing mode and very little time appreciating our core experiences in the present moment.”

Being vs. Doing: The Peculiar Art of Getting Unstuck “Modern technology encourages us to do rather than to be. Even when queuing up at the supermarket, we answer emails. And while waiting for a taxi, we check Twitter or mindlessly scroll through Instagram. When did you last pause? And what did you notice when you paused? Isn’t that weird? Doing gives us a sense of control.”

On presence: cultivating the art of being rather than doing “How often do you find while carrying out a task you’re mentally compiling a list of all the other things you still need to do before the end of the day? How often do you find while talking to someone, you’re having an entirely different conversation in your head (possibly returning to that task list)? How often do you go over conversations you’ve already had, analysing on repeat what was meant by a particular comment or expression?”

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This week, we wrote about how you can come from the positive and feel contented in your relationships. Here are some articles and studies connected to this topic.

The Essence of Contentment: How Acceptance Promotes Happiness “You may have often heard that contentment is the key to happiness. You might have even been told many times to be content with what you have. But have you ever wondered what contentment is, exactly? Contentment means to be happy with what you have, who you are, and where you are. It is respecting the reality of the present. It is appreciating what you do have and where you are in life. Contentment does not mean the absence of desire; it just means you are satisfied with your present, and you trust that the turns your life”

Good Social Relationships Are The Most Consistent Predictor of a Happy Life “Humans are ultra-social species. It’s our nature, and we can’t live our lives without interactions. Ultimately, other people play a crucial role in our happiness. Psychology says that part of human nature’s default mode is to be social. According to one theory — people have an innate (and very powerful) need to form and maintain strong, stable interpersonal relationships. Heaps of research suggest that social connections make people happier. Satisfying relationships not only make people happy, but they also associated with better health and even longer life.”

Relationships and Happiness “Key Discoveries: • People who have one or more close friendships appear to be happier. • The sharing of personal feelings (self-disclosure) plays a major role in the relief of stress and depression. • Listening carefully and responding in encouraging ways (Active-Constructive Responding) is a very effective way to cultivate positive emotions and deepen relationships.”

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This week, we wrote about why the essence of connection in your relationships is being present. These authors each bring out why this is important and how to maintain it.

Being Fully Present to Others “In how much of our communication with others are we fully there? If you ask what people want from most of their communication, many will say more clarity, better understanding, greater honesty – maybe even love? Underneath it all, what we really long for are deeper, more meaningful connections with others. Even when we’re not aware of consciously seeking it, most of us are growing less content with superficial human contact. In many ways, technology and the transactional world (what can I get from this interaction?) are reshaping how we communicate – and how we expect to connect with others. When we experience the feeling of someone’s authentic (full) presence, we’re often taken aback by the nature of the interaction. It can seem too intimate and uncomfortable.”

The Importance of Being Present in all Our Relationships “How engaged are you in your relationships? Are you present within the relationship? I don’t mean physically present since that is a given. I’m talking about being mentally, emotionally and spiritually invested in the relationship…. Being engaged and present means we bring our whole selves to our encounters with others.”

The Essence of Being: Using Mindfulness to Enhance Romantic Relationships “Autopilot can creep into a fast-paced life. Sometimes we arrive at home and wonder exactly how we got there. Sometimes we even walk in, kiss our loved one hello, and end up in front of the TV before we realize it. Even when we are trying to be intentional, we may have demanding tasks, emails piling up, and deadlines to fill. We seem to have no time to slow down and go on a walk or spend time chatting. Although we have a desire for a close and vulnerable relationship, the connection with our partner seems to stay a bit stagnant.”

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We wrote this week about different aspects of having peaceful relationships. Here are some previous articles of ours about such aspects.

How Being Positive Promotes Healthy Relationships “Where you put your attention can often change your entire experience of what is happening. We recently read an article in the New York Times entitled “Turning Negative Thinkers Into Positive Ones,” and found it touched on this issue in a most interesting way. In the article the author shares some new studies that show that even with just a few weeks of compassionate mindfulness training, the participants were able to have a much higher degree of positive response.”

Why is it Important not to Focus on Relationship Differences? “Each of us is a unique and essentially different person. We have established a relationship of trust which enables us to be open, undefended and sharing with each other. This is based on the fact that each of us is respected and accepted in our separate personhood. We each want the best for each other and want to support each other’s growth and fulfillment. That does not include changing, rearranging or directing each other. What we do not do is see the other in terms of ourselves or as an extension of ourselves. If one of us does or says something, it is heard and related to as an expression of that person. We are not comparing or looking at sameness or difference.”

The Importance of Authenticity in Your Relationship “Genuine. Real. Authentic. We know what this means for a Coach handbag or a Craftsman socket set, but what does it mean for a person? There’s no label, certificate, hologram or stitching you can check, so how do you determine that a person is authentic? An authentic person is someone who is who they say they are. They aren’t pretending to be somebody different.”

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