Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week, we wrote about using your voice and saying what you want and need in your relationships. Here is some good advice on how to overcome your inhibitions and find your voice.

The Courage to Speak Your Truth ~ 5 Steps to Reclaiming Your Voice “This may be you… At some point in your life you made the decision that it was no longer safe to speak your truth. In your early years, speaking up led to a scolding from your parents, or worse. Their censure caused pain and engendered a belief in you that speaking up would create even more pain. This belief compelled you to withhold and question your voice from then on.”

How to Say What You Want in Your Relationship “In my 30 years working with couples, I’ve noticed that most people have an easy time describing what they don’t want in their relationship. If prompted, they’re able to rapidly fire off the many issues that they feel are creating distance between them and their partner. Yet, if I ask the same people what they do want in their relationship or from their partner, it seems to catch them off guard.”

How To Find & Speak Your Voice In Your Relationship “Ultimately, finding and developing your voice is about taking responsibility for who you are, your identity, your values, what you care about and the battles that you deem worth fighting in your relationship. It’s understanding the vision you have for your relationship, the impact you want to have in your relationship, understanding what your partner cares about and what you need to master in order to connect fully with your partner.”

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This week, we wrote about the importance of play in your life and relationships. Here are some pertinent articles sharing research and ideas on this topic.

The Importance of Play in Adulthood “Play allows us to learn how to be creative and helps nurture critical thinking, personality development, and adaptive pathways for us in childhood. The benefits of play are far-reaching, but we often give up play as adults for more serious pursuits such as our careers, our relationships, and our families—all of which are valid pursuits.”

Is Recess Important for Kids or a Waste of Time? Here’s What the Research Says “A 2009 study found that 8- and 9-year-old children who had at least one daily recess period of more than 15 minutes had better classroom behavior. The study also found that black students and students from low-income families were more likely to be given no recess or minimal recess. That report reinforced the results of a 1998 study, which found that when 43 fourth-grade students were given recess, they worked more or fidgeted less than when they were not given recess.”

The Benefits of Play for Adults “In our hectic, modern lives, many of us focus so heavily on work and family commitments that we never seem to have time for pure fun. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, we stopped playing. When we carve out some leisure time, we’re more likely to zone out in front of the TV or computer than engage in fun, rejuvenating play like we did as children. But play is not just essential for kids; it can be an important source of relaxation and stimulation for adults as well.”

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This week, we wrote about how looking at similarities rather than differences improves your relationships. To our surprise, this was the subject of many interesting recent studies focusing on the idea of looking at similarities rather than differences.

The world is much more alike than different “The cornerstone of discrimination is the belief that other people, including people of other races from other countries, are different. They experience life differently; they react differently. What if research could demonstrate that’s not true? A new study from UC Riverside asserts the world population may have much more in common than it has differences. ‘Even though individuals within the same country have more similar experiences than those in different countries, the differences are barely noticeable,’ said Daniel Lee”

The dangers of focusing on differences (and what we can do about it) “We group others according to markers like species, age, apparent sex, skin colour, weight, facial features, and clothing. When we use these cues, we will perceive another as being similar or different. Human enterprises such as the media and the social sciences also rely on sorting information according to similarity and difference. The end result is that we are constantly exposed to information through the lens of social groups, and more often than not, in terms of “us and them.” The problem is that once things are categorised into social groups, there is a bias towards focusing on difference rather than similarity.”

A New Way to Look at the Data: Similarities Between Groups of People Are Large and Important “On average, the amount of similarity between 2 groups (e.g., high vs. low educated or different countries) was greater than 90%…. Here, we suggest that quantitative social science may be inadvertently helping to foster [racism] by focusing on differences between groups and neglecting to highlight stronger and important similarities. For instance, if social scientists were comparing two groups of people with respect to moral attitudes, the researchers could describe either the differences or the similarities between the groups—or, indeed, both. Historically, the focus of social science research in general and psychological research in particular has been on the description of differences between groups.”

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This week, we wrote about how mindfulness practices will help you with your relationships. Here are three articles describing the details of what mindfulness is and how to practice it.

Thich Nhat Hanh on The Practice of Mindfulness “Mindfulness is the energy that helps us recognize the conditions of happiness that are already present in our lives. You don’t have to wait ten years to experience this happiness. It is present in every moment of your daily life. There are those of us who are alive but don’t know it. But when you breathe in, and you are aware of your in-breath, you touch the miracle of being alive. That is why mindfulness is a source of happiness and joy.”

Mindfulness “To live mindfully is to live in the moment and reawaken oneself to the present, rather than dwelling on the past or anticipating the future. To be mindful is to observe and label thoughts, feelings, sensations in the body in an objective manner. Mindfulness can therefore be a tool to avoid self-criticism and judgment while identifying and managing difficult emotions.”

What Is Mindfulness? “‘Mindfulness is awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.’ This is the off-cited definition from Jon Kabat-Zinn, well-known author and founder of the Stress Reduction Clinic at the University of Massachusetts (who is careful to add that it is an operational definition and leaves out some aspects of mindfulness).”

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This week, we wrote about why it’s important to be open and share yourself in your relationships. Here are some articles that use different terms – vulnerability, opening up, self-disclosure – to discuss this issue.

Why Vulnerability in Relationships Is So Important “No matter what type of relationship we’re talking about—be it friendship, familial, or romantic—vulnerability is key to fostering a closer, deeper, and more authentic bond with another person. It keeps us honest with each other and ourselves, breaks down walls, eliminates the potential for miscommunication and misunderstandings, and allows us to be wholly ourselves.”

Opening Up Emotionally: Why Do I Struggle & How Can I Overcome My Fears? “Opening up is very difficult for many people. Letting your guard down, allowing yourself to become vulnerable for even a second can seem like too much to handle. Why deal with the potential consequences of a negative emotional aftermath and pain? It seems a lot easier to simply remain distant and detached for some.”

What Is Self Disclosure in Relationships – Benefits, Risk & Effects “Self-disclosure in relationships may make some people feel uncomfortable out of fear of sharing too much personal information. While this may be a valid concern, there are also benefits of self-disclosure, especially when it is done correctly. Learning what self-disclosure is and how it helps relationships is important.”

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