Reading Corner

Links related to the weekly posts.

 

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This week, we wrote about how knowing yourself helps you find mutual solutions in relationships. Here are a variety of approaches to that topic.

Conflict Resolution – Creating a Mutual Understanding “There is an old story about two girls arguing over an orange. They both wanted this single orange to themselves. They argued for hours over who should get it and why. Finally, though, they realized that they could both win: one wanted the rind for a cake, while the other one wanted to make juice from the inside of the orange. This model of win-win situations and mutual gain is our preferred outcome for any conflict. In this module, we will explore how creating mutual understanding can lay the groundwork for a win-win solution.”

7 Simple Ways to Deal With a Disagreement Effectively “In every relationship, personal or professional, there will always be some disagreement. You will never find an environment where people always agree and that understand each other. That’s fantasy, not reality. As a leadership coach I spend a lot of time working with my clients helping them deal with breakdowns in communication–and truly, a lot of disagreements amount to a breakdown in communication. Here are seven very simple but effective ways I’ve learned over the years for dealing productively with disagreement.”

Why a better understanding of yourself will lead to better relationships “To understand yourself is to know the way your mind works. It is comprehending why you behave and react in certain ways. It is discerning what your strengths and flaws are, in character and in skill. It is recognising what your biggest dreams are, where your priorities lie, what you care most about. To understand yourself is to decipher the workings of your brain, and discover what special building blocks inside you make you, you. It’s a vital key to any healthy relationship…”

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This week we wrote that our relationship is harmonious because we want it to be that way. Here are some articles on harmonious relationships and positive intention.

Harmony in a Relationship Does Not Require Agreement “…deep and lasting emotional, mental, and spiritual harmony requires something other than just agreeing on a shared experience. Harmony in a relationship means understanding; we don’t need to agree to be in harmony, but we do need to be willing to understand another person’s experience and actually hear their truth.”

How to Use One Simple Trick to Make All Your Relationships Better “Assuming positive intent means that, no matter what a person may say or do, unless you have evidence otherwise, you assume that the person you’re dealing with has good intentions. I don’t know about you, but I can often demonize people, both strangers and people I love. My inner monologue will run off after a simple, harmless comment, and I’ll assume someone tried to hurt me on purpose with zero evidence to support that fact.”

Your Relationship: Assuming Positive Intent “First, let me make it clear that I am not making excuses for family members who behave in a way that is uncaring or hurtful or self-centered. No excuses for that kind of behavior. But let me ask you a question: Are there times when your first reaction to the behavior of your partner doesn’t match up with the actual situation? In other words, is it possible that at times you might make an assumption of what your partner intended because you jumped to a conclusion and then reacted accordingly?”

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We wrote this week about the benefits of both separation and connection in your relationships. Here are some articles looking at this topic from different points of view.

Forget sex, the secret to a long-lasting relationship is space “Having enough space or privacy in a relationship is more important for a couple’s happiness than having a good sex life, according to Dr Terri Orbuch a psychologist, research professor at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research …”

Alone Time Is the Key to Staying Married. Find It. “The COVID-19 pandemic hasn’t just stretched us thin; it’s made us damn near translucent. The majority of parents are balancing a bigger burden than they ever have before. Scheduling. Schooling. Social distancing. Masking up. Working from Home. All with little or extremely reduced access to childcare or the older family members who once pitched in. Gone, too, are ways to find alone time. We are all cooped up, unable to do the activities that once brought us balance. Time apart is crucial to a marriage. Absence does, in fact, make the heart grow fonder. But how can partners ask for alone time without it ending in resentment or anger?”

Balancing Connection and Separation “One of the most common struggles for couples is the balancing of connection and separation. In most couple’s relationships, partners often have different comfort levels with connection and separation. Some partners prefer more connection and feel anxious during times of separation. Some partners prefer more separation and feel anxious during times of connection.The key is creating a balance.”

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This week, we wrote about what motivates other people and why understanding each others’ motives is important in relationships. This topic isn’t well covered, so we’ve added a link about the picture we used.

The Vital Importance and Benefits of Motivation “Almost every action someone takes is driven by an underlying motivation. This can be social rank, reputation, envy, power, love of work, self-preservation, service, security, escape, fear, thrill, or a host of other alternatives. To understand the world, it is important you develop the ability to recognize the motivation that drives a person. This includes yourself. By better understanding your motivation, you can make better choices.”

What Is Motivation? “We often have multiple motives, some of which we might not fully understand when we act. Often we’re conflicted about our desires, regardless of what actions we take. And the reasons that drive our choices in life change over time: we don’t live life with a single consistent unwavering motive for anything. The more intimate the relationship you have with a person, the more complex (and possibly rewarding) it can be to understand their intentions and how your choices impact each other.”

The Anne and Bernard Spitzer Hall of Human Origins “This innovative exhibition combines discoveries in the fossil record with the latest genomic science to explore the most profound mysteries of humankind: who we are, where we came from, and what is in store for the future of our species. The hall explores human biology and anatomy, traces the path of human evolution, and examines the origins of human creativity.”

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This week we wrote about the importance of touch in all our relationships, and these articles cover different aspects of touching. They share numerous studies on the topic.

The Power of Touch: Physical Affection is Important in Relationships, but Some People Need More Than Others “Study after study has found that couples who touch each other more tend to be happier. From backrubs to gentle caresses to hand-holding to hugging, the more intimate contact couples have with one another, the more satisfied they tend to be with their relationships. Certainly, sexual touch is important, too, but non-sexual physical contact appears to have unique benefits.”

The Remarkable Power of Touch “The power of touch is profound – whether it is an accidental glazing from a stranger, the strong kneading of a professional masseur, a gentle hold from someone close, a reassuring squeeze of the hand, an ‘I see you’ caress, an encouraging touch on the back, a quick kiss on the forehead or one that is slower, more tender and more anticipated. It can strengthen connections, heal, communicate, influence and soothe. When the touch is cold and brittle, it can also widen the distance between two people.”

8 Reasons Why We Need Human Touch More Than Ever (pdf) “Physical contact distinguishes humans from other animals. From a warm handshake or sympathetic hug to a congratulatory pat on the back, we have developed complex languages, cultures, and emotional expression through physical contact. But in a tech-saturated world, non-sexual human touch is in danger of becoming rare, if not obsolete. Despite the benefits of digital advancement, it is vital to preserve human touch in order for us truly to thrive.”

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